Sleeping = waiting for death

I have become very lazy over the past couple of months. I don’t feel like doing anything but nothing and today I have realized that my “non-action” that has been going on and on has to stop. This is pretty much the same as if I would want to die. Just to give you an idea how my day looked like: I was sleeping as long as I could – this means hours and hours of sleeping which is basically the same as I waited for my death in my bed – I didn’t want to get up in the morning and start a day with some motivation, like doing something. Practical or not practical – it doesn’t matter because as long as I move and as long as I am present here in the moment. I was rather sleeping and not wanting to deal with what is here. The reason why is probably that I did not want to accept and face the reality as it is (to see who I really am and write myself out to become equal and one someday). I know that I have to deal with a lot of shit that I have been compounding over the years and this scares the hell out of me, because I believe within myself that I couldn’t handle all of it. Much self forgiveness will be required, starting from now on. So, the first thing that I obligated myself to do (or I will force and push myself to do – because this is currently the only way possible to start something moving), I will set up my alarm clock every morning at a reasonable time (this would be 7 or 8 am). I have tried this already but I failed because when it rang I just set it up to a sleeping mode and it rang every 5 minutes until I had enough and set a new time for the alarm which was postponed by one or two hours at least. The first decision is that I will get up in the morning when my alarm clock starts to ring; I will not postpone the alarm anymore, not even for a minute. Moving on to my daily routine: next when I finally got up, I went and wash my teeth, getting dressed and then I went to work. After coming home, I went out with my friends for a drink or I went onto my computer and just checked my mail, facebook, watch some videos on youtube, chatting online with people etc. I usually stayed up pretty late so when I had enough I went under the shower and back to bed. The second thing that I decided to do is to start writing self-forgiveness every day, step by step because I have difficult times doing that, so I will have to also push myself and create some routine in that perspective. Just to get started. So, these are two big points that I will have to start incorporating in my life, starting from now on. By sleeping less, I will have more than enough time to do things that I want or I have to finish (for example my diploma, or writing self-forgiveness, going out with my dog for a nice long walk,…) So, for the last time, here is my conclusion:

• I  will no longer sleep as many hours “as I like”, instead I will get up in the morning when my alarm clock is rings, not trying to postpone my sleeping for another minute or two but just get up without any resistance
• I will write self-forgiveness on daily basis, taking step at a time to gain consistency; I will not fear of writing, I will take it as something which will improve me as who I am

That is all for now, will keep you updated on how am I doing and dealing with new decisions that I have made.

Will there be DIP in schools?

DIP or Desteni I Process is a course where we can perfect ourselves in a way where we free ourselves from any fears, self - doubts, we can overcome limitations and learn about how our mind works and master feelings and emotions.
In an Equal Money System there will be no DIP course in a regular schooling program, since learning program will be designed in a way which is best for all. Children will learn not only to read, write, science, mathematics and other subjects; they will also learn about life in general, how to correct and apply themselves. Schooling system will be much different from the current one, because now only grades matters and in an EMS this will change, since there will be emphasis on actual content and it will be introduced in a way that will encourage children to think and participate actively throughout learning hours. Of course one will have a chance to also participate in DIP course but this will be offered outside of regular schooling program if one will decide to take part in it.

Capitalism vs. Equal Money System

A lot of expensive things that we buy have warranty and when I go to the shop and I am looking for a product that is of "higher" quality I always look if it has longer warranty than other products which they offer in the store. Why? Because the product will last longer. But the fact is that when warranty expires, the product won't last much longer because we live in the capitalistic world where everything is based on profit. Companies make such products that will last for a couple of years and then they will break or will not work as it should any longer and you will need to buy a new one eventually. That is how it works in today's world. The goal for every company is to make as much money as possible and so they make crappy things which you will have to replace as soon as the warranty expires because you can't live without them, you need them in life but there are no companies that will make products that will last you for all your life.
I found at home really old shaving machine which is made from metal and if I would  accidentally drop it  on the floor it won't break and it will work just fine compared to the other shaving machine which I bought a year ago and is made from plastic. I have to be really careful not to drop it because it would break immediately and I could just throw it away into garbage. What I would like to say is that things are made from materials which are not strong and don't last. Another example would be my mobile phone. After warranty expired on my phone it worked just for another two months. Then the microphone stopped working and if I wanted to get that repaired I would pay more money then if I just bought a new phone. By making such things only for profit we just buy, buy, buy and throw away, throw away, throw away into the garbage. We produce a lot more garbage than we would if the products were from materials that can't break so easily or if I say - that aren't made to break down on purpose. In a way it is logical that it is how it is because companies compete between each other and they are driven by the profit. More they can get from consumers, the better.
In an equal money system there will be no competition, products will be made from the best materials possible and they will last for a lifetime if not even more. Companies will not make product because of the profit. You will buy something and if by any chance the product won't work or for some reasons break, you will get a new one. By making such things, we will not produce as much garbage anymore and this is what I would call "best for all". Best for humans that need products and best for our nature, because it will be able to breathe again. So, support Equal Money System and show the capitalism your middle finger!

Self-correction is the key

It is not hard to write what you have accepted and allowed, what you have realized or what you will correct within yourself in physical. I realized that you can write self forgiveness in every moment, every day for everything that happens but if you are not willing to change, if you are not willing to correct and also determined to achieve actual change and be persistent about what you are doing; self-forgiveness is worth nothing. It is powerful tool for everybody who uses it, with writing you can get to the core of the point you are working on and you can realize a lot but if you don't live the words, you are lost. At Desteni there are three basic tools which help you through, to break down everything that you have accepted and allowed in your life, from desires, emotions and feelings to personalities, relationship fuckups and even physical problems. Those tools are self-forgiveness, self-corrective statements and self-corrective action. If you only apply two out of three, you didn't do anything. It is like if you want to bake bread and you have all the ingredients that you need, you mix them together but then you don't put the dough into the oven. You can't eat it raw even though you did everything except bake it – the most important part. With self-forgiveness it is the same. You can write but if you don't correct yourself in action, you can't change. And this is the hard part because you have to have a lot of strength, self-control, self-direction, self-will to do this. And the key to success is also to be self-honest. I saw many times, when applying self-correction in action that I still have reactions. Important here is not to give up and to not blame yourself. We are in this together, as a group we are strong and even though you fall, don't lay on the ground, stand up again and the group of Destonians will always give you support that you need so you can pick yourself up from the ground. We are all here to support each other, important thing is to accept this support and move on, step by step, breath by breath. Every moment of your breath, until it is done and a new life is born.

Calling people on the phone

For my diploma I had to call some »important« people who are in charge for logistics in the company. These companies are giants for Slovenians market, so it is hard to reach them and contact them. I had to call over 10 companies, because this is the first step of my practical part of my diploma. When my mentor told me that my assignment is based on calling people and introducing them the project we are working on and ask them if they are prepared to cooperate and give their professional opinion on the project, I became pale. The biggest fear since my childhood has been talking to people, approaching to them, ask them for help or calling somebody on the phone who I don’t know. I always asked my grandmother or my sister to do this kind of things instead of me. My mother knew about my fear so when I asked her if she would call instead of me, she said “no, you will call and arrange what you need”, so she was pushing me through my fear. A lot of the times I tried and asked someone else to call instead of me just because I didn’t want to face with my fear. I would rather leave things alone and not deal with them, for example: if a company sent me a bill they would charge me more than they should, I would just pay more so I don’t need to call them and tell them for the mistake. Some time ago, I started to push myself and do things like that on my own, even though a lot of the times my grandmother offered her to call instead of me. But still I pushed myself and said to her that I will call because this is something that I need to clear and when she is not going to be around I would be forced to deal with it by myself anyways.
My concern mostly was that I will forget what I would like to say and just have empty head. So before I called somewhere, I wrote everything that I meant to say on the paper. My hands were always shaking and my heart was beating like crazy when I picked up the phone and dial the number. Then when somebody answered the phone, my voice was all shaky and different and I spoke very fast. I never tried to correct this by breathing or by writing self forgiveness on this point because back then I didn’t know about this.
So now, when I had to call all the companies I was also scared. I was mostly afraid of rejection and if someone will ask me something that I don’t have an answer to it. I again wrote everything down on a paper and read it through for a few times. I picked up the phone and called first company. The fear was the same as it was in the past, I talked the same, I didn’t slow down and take a moment for myself. I rushed into it. But I was aware of what I was doing. When the first conversation was over, I went back to the start; I tried to remember my feelings and emotions during the call, how I experienced myself in that moment. Then I just took a breath, I didn’t think what I am going to say to the next person, I just start talking. And it was much better. The conversation was more relaxed. Every call I made next, it was easier for me, and my fear was getting smaller and smaller every time. I became more confident in what I was saying and people noticed that on the other side of the phone – the results were much better, everyone agreed to help.
 Now, when something similar comes up, that I need to deal with, I just do it and don’t over think, because if I do, all these questions and doubts come up and really all that my mind is trying to do is to limit me. I will not limit myself anymore.

There is no end...

I finally started writing my diploma. It took me almost one year and a half to get to my mentor and ask him for a theme about what I should write. Some time ago I decided to already do that but because I didn’t have a proper theme, professor turned me down and I lost my drive to write it back then. So, a week ago I decided that I have to do this because this “haunts” me again and again somewhere in the back of my head. Vitan asked me if this is really necessary in this moment since I have a lot of things to deal with (going to work every day, doing Desteni I Process and also starting to build my business), if I have time to write it besides all of this and if other things won’t suffer on the way. This is certainly going to be time consuming but I need to complete my schooling, because I feel like I need a closure.
When I am starting to do something I always want to finish it, so it has some ending and the same is here. I have to be at the end so I can say this is it, this is done and I don’t have to worry about it anymore. Because as I already said I need to see the end so I can move on and then worry about another thing which has not ended yet. The same thing is happening in my process. I believe that there will be an end and when this happens, everything will be different. But it is not like that. There is no end, which is why it is called process. It won’t be like “ok, now I’ve gone through all the things and now it is over”. It won’t be over until everybody is done. Just like in every day’s life. When you complete something, you get it done but every time something new comes up on your way, and you need to take care of it and so on…

Unable to breathe

I have been depressed for a few days now, mostly because of my thoughts that keep popping up about relationship things – which are based on energy. I have been dealing with this thoughts by applying self forgiveness and researching the origin of the thoughts –why do I have them, what drives me to think that, when did I experienced this in the past, memories...but more I write, more depressive I am and these thoughts have more power over me, they are stronger, more frequent and more common throughout my day. I am starting to doubt in my application because I don't know what is happening. I don't know how to stop the thoughts and when I want to breathe, I just can't. It is like my lungs are not capable of doing the whole breath – it is almost like when you need to yawn and you can't and then you have this feeling inside you, like you are not completed, like something is missing. 

I know that by just doing self forgiveness and then not living the actual realization and corrective application, this won’t go away. But I don’t know how to release that. I still need to do a lot of writing but still…this inability to breathe normal is insane, it drives me crazy – I feel anxious because my lungs can’t expand. Now I know, how precious one breath can be, how cool it is when I can breathe. Better to get this over with, so I can breathe again.

Procrastination and laziness

Thought:
“Can’t it wait for a couple of minutes?”

Trigger point:
When my grandmother asked me if I can help her with something.

Type of thought:
laziness, procrastination, excuse

Self forgiveness on the thought, trigger point and type of thought:
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect when someone asks me something to do to a thought “Can’t it wait for a couple of minutes?”
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think the thought “Can’t it wait for a couple of minutes?”
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself that a thought “Can’t it wait for a couple of minutes” exists within and as me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself that when my grandmother asks me something to help her with triggers a thought “Can’t it wait for a couple of minutes?”
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself that when my grandmother asks me something to help her with this exists as a trigger point within me, which triggers a thought “Can’t it wait for a couple of minutes?”
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to procrastinate.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in a feeling of laziness.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, when something is asked of me to be done or something is required of me to be done within the moment – say: “Can’t it wait for a couple of minutes?” – Instead of doing what is required or asked of me in the moment.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not willing to move and stand up in the moment.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to procrastinate instead of standing up and get things done in the moment.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be trapped within the „now‟ of consciousness by not doing what is required of me to be done in a moment, thereby accumulating „unfulfilled” moments within myself – whereby I am literally still trapped in those moments – and thus, of the past.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to walk as breath, wherein I, in every moment, direct myself within what is here and what is required to be done – in the moment, immediately.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to manifest a habitual behaviour of laziness through constantly and continuously procrastinating – putting things off for the future – creating and manifesting the feeling of laziness as a drug in my mind, to which I've become addicted.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as lazy person.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to unconditionally move myself in every moment – but instead, put things off to a later moment, until I am almost too late and see that if I don't quickly do what I'm supposed to do, I'll get into trouble.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the threat and anticipation of trouble to move me instead of me moving myself as me.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to discipline myself within moving and directing myself in every here moment – but instead, allow myself to „slack” and „slip” into laziness.
I forgive myself for not applying self-will in every moment, where I will myself to live as me in self-movement, self-direction, self-responsibility and self-honesty in every here moment.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to not apply self-will when there is a task at hand, to will myself in walking through the resistance and getting it done – but instead, allow myself to use excuses and justifications to make me believe that it is „okay” to procrastinate and be lazy.

Self corrective statements:
I do not accept and allow myself to live in the past and therefore I do not accept and allow myself to procrastinate – instead, I will to things in the moment and I will not put off anything what is asked or required of me.
When someone asks me something or something is required of me to be done, I do not put if off and wait for the last moment to take care of it – instead I stand up immediately and to what needs to be done in the moment.
I do not accept and allow myself to procrastinate and search for excuses and justifications why I do not need to do things in the moment – instead of that, I will move myself, direct myself and will myself to do things in the moment and I will not wait any longer just because “I don’t feel like doing it”.
Whenever something is required or asked from me to be done, I do not accept and allow to participate in my mind thinking that it can wait – I stop the thoughts before they occur and I say “Yes, I will to that right now in this moment” – I will walk through resistance and I will not accept and allow laziness to obsess me.

Emotion:
Reluctant

Self forgiveness:
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be reluctant.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in emotion of reluctance.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel reluctant when I have to stop doing something that I like to do.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing reluctance to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in emotional experience of annoyance and crankiness.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself that annoyance and crankiness exist within and as me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the thought “Can’t it wait for a couple of minutes?” with emotion of reluctance – crankiness and annoyance.

Self corrective statements:
I do not accept and allow myself to participate in emotional experience of reluctance because this is not who I am and therefore I do not accept and allow to be controlled by this emotion of being reluctant.
I realize that I am reluctant when a “good” feeling is replaced by a “bad” feeling – something that I like to do is replaced by something that I hate to do and therefore I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in the polarity of my mind by dividing and seeing things as good and bad instead of realizing that this is just another creation of my mind and there is no such things as good and bad – they are as they are and nothing more or less than that.
When the thought “Can’t it wait for a couple of minutes?” comes up which triggers reluctance within myself, I stop and breathe – I do not accept and allow myself to participate in emotional experience of reluctance because this is not who I am – instead I will forgive the thought and I will stand up and do what needs to be done in the moment.

Words:
Procrastination-

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to charge the word procrastination with negative value.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge the word procrastination as “negative”, “bad” in my mind.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word procrastination through judging the word procrastination as “bad” and “negative”.

A memory when I had to study for exam and I start to study the very last moment:
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word “procrastination” to a memory when I waited to study for the very last moment.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word “procrastination” within a memory when I waited to study for the very last moment.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word “procrastination” and from the memory when I waited to study for the very last moment through defining word “procrastination” within a memory when I waited to study for the very last moment in separation of myself.
A feeling of anxiety:
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word “procrastination” to a feeling of anxiety.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word “procrastination” within a feeling of anxiety.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word “procrastination” and from the feeling of anxiety through defining word “procrastination” within a feeling of anxiety in separation of myself.
Clock:
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word “procrastination” to a picture of a clock.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word “procrastination” within a picture of a clock.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word “procrastination” and from the picture of a clock through defining word “procrastination” within a picture of a clock in separation of myself.
A picture of my grandmother asking me something:
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word “procrastination” to a picture of my grandmother asking me something.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word “procrastination” within a picture of my grandmother asking me something.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word “procrastination” and from the picture of my grandmother asking me something through defining the word “procrastination” within a picture of my grandmother asking me something in separation of myself.
A feeling of paranoia:
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word “procrastination” to a feeling of paranoia.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word “procrastination” within a feeling of paranoia.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word “procrastination” and from the feeling of paranoia through defining the word “procrastination” within a feeling of paranoia in separation of myself.
Knocking on the door:
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word “procrastination” to knocking on the door.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word “procrastination” within knocking on the door.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word “procrastination” and from knocking on the door through defining the word “procrastination” within knocking on the door in separation of myself.
A picture of a man who is in a hurry:
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word “procrastination” to a picture of a man who is in a hurry.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word “procrastination” within a picture of a man who is in a hurry.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word “procrastination” and from a picture of a man who is in a hurry through defining the word “procrastination” within a picture of a man who is in a hurry in separation of myself.
Time limit:
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word “procrastination” to a time limit.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word “procrastination” within a time limit.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word “procrastination” and from time limit through defining the word “procrastination” within a time limit.

Re-defining the word procrastination:

Dictionary definition:
•    to defer action; delay
•    to put off till another day or time

Sounding the word:
Pre – cross – time – rate
Meaning: PRE (before, prior to), CROSS (angry and annoyed), TIME-RATE (being limited with time); Before I get angry and annoyed because am limiting myself with time and I live in the past and not in the moment – by postponing things, procrastinating.

Pro – cast – destination
Meaning: PRO (an argument for something), CAST (to throw away), DESTINATION; To decide that I am going to live in the past by postponing things and not doing them in the moment as I am required or asked to.

New definition:
I procrastinate when I have to do something that I don’t like to do. I wait for a very last moment to complete the task not realizing that by doing that I live in the past and I don’t direct myself in the moment.  When someone asks me something to help him with or when something is required to be done in a moment I often become angry and irritated and this is an indicator for me to see that I have accepted and allowed procrastination and laziness. I also seek for justifications and excuses for not doing it in the moment – so this is also a flag for me to see what I have accepted and allowed. When this “red flags” occur I know that I participate in procrastination and laziness and therefore I stop and push myself through resistances and do what needs to be done in the moment.

Procrastinate – Not wanting to do something in the moment, not being self-directed, self-willed and self-responsible in every moment of every breath.

Pictures:
The picture represents me lying in my bed in the morning and I do not want to wake up – I want to lay a little bit longer even though I know I am wasting my time by lying around. In this picture I just don’t feel like doing anything – I am lazy and I feel miserable because I have to do things that I didn’t do in the moment – I postponed them. Besides my bed is a bedside table and alarm clock on that table.

Self forgiveness on picture:
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a picture of me lying in my bed and not wanting to get up in the morning - to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect laziness and procrastination with a picture in my mind of me not willing and wanting to get up in the morning.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define laziness and procrastination within a picture in my mind of me not wanting and willing to get up in the morning.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to postpone things that have already been postponed even more.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from procrastination and laziness through defining it in separation of myself within a picture of me not wanting and willing to get up in the morning.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect a picture of me not wanting and willing to get up in the morning to a thought “Can’t it wait for a couple of minutes?”.

Self corrective statements:
I realize that a picture of me not willing and wanting to get up in the morning is reflecting my everyday life, where I am just postponing and delaying things that I require to do and I am postponing them for the very last moment and because I have to then hurry to complete those things I am miserable because everything is building up and I ran out of time.
I do not accept and allow postponing things anymore because I realize that this is an act of laziness and therefore I do not accept and allow participating in experience of laziness.
Whenever a thought “Can’t it wait for a couple of minutes?” comes up, which triggers a picture of me lying in my bed and not wanting to get up in the morning, I immediately stop and forgive that thought – I do not accept and allow procrastination and laziness to direct me – instead I direct myself, I live in the moment and not in the past.

Hope

Self forgiveness on a thought:
I hope this business will work.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect a conversation about my business with a thought “I hope this business will work”.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think the thought “I hope this business will work.”
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself that this thought “I hope this business will work” exists within me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself that a conversation about my business triggers a thought “I hope this business will work”.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself that a conversation about my business exists as a trigger point within me, which triggers the thought “I hope this business will work.”

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hope.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hope for better times.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to trap myself in the belief of hope.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to belief that successful business will just happen by hoping and wishing to be successful – instead of realizing that I separate myself by doing that because there is no “superior source” that will rescue me by hoping.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not take responsibility for myself and stand up for myself and therefore I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that I create my experiences and no one else than myself.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that by taking power to something higher than me and hoping and wishing that this business will work, I just separate myself from this world and giving myself an illusion so I will feel better because I trust in someone else than me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe in the illusion of hope.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not trust myself and therefore I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give trust to something/someone else separated from me because I don’t want to disappoint myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I will be disappointed in myself and because of that I rather trust someone or something separated from me (I hope) than myself because I fear that I will fail.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear taking responsibility for myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place my responsibility of self in hope.
I forgive myself that I’ve allowed myself to wait instead of taking responsibility for myself, acting and standing up in creating and manifesting my own world.
I forgive myself that I’ve allowed myself to give hope power over me instead of taking my own power and standing up and taking responsibility for myself in directing my own world.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not take responsibility for myself by trusting myself and not fearing of the outcome and therefore I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that I give trust in something/someone else separated from me because it is more convenient to blame others than taking responsibility for everything that I do and standing up.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that I have to stand up and take responsibility for myself because nothing else will support me as I can support myself.

Self corrective statements:
I do not accept and allow myself to hope since I realized that hope is an illusion and by having hope, hoping, I just not take responsibility for myself and stand up.
I will take responsibility for myself rather than hoping because it is me who creates my experiences so I will trust myself rather than trusting something or someone separate from me.
I will not accept and allow fearing failure and because of that avoiding self responsibility because I fear to face myself – therefore I will stand as one and equal and will not separate myself by hoping.
I realize that I create my world and experiences and therefore I will not wait that something “superior” will “save” me because I am responsible for myself in my world and I realize that no one can do and will do something for me than myself.

When a thought “I hope that business will work” which is triggered by a conversation about my ideas comes up – I stop, I breathe – I forgive that thought immediately and also I do not participate in that thought in any way whatsoever, because I know that by hoping and placing trust into something or someone separated from me, I actually don’t want to face myself, take responsibility for myself and stand up. Therefore I don’t create illusion by hoping and wishing for better times, because I know that I am the one who creates my world and experiences and I am the one who creates this reality and not hope. When a thought of hope comes up, I know that I have to deal with a point of not taking responsibility for myself and therefore I do not wait (as I would do before), I face myself and stand up and by doing that, I support myself and have trust in myself and nothing else which is separated from me.

Self forgiveness on emotion:
Fear of failure

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I will not succeed.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I will fail.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself that I am afraid to be disappointed in myself and instead of facing my fear I rather place trust into something or someone separated from me.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that I fear because I do not want to take responsibility for myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid of failure and because of that fear I place trust into something else, because I am afraid to face myself and to trust myself, instead of realizing that by placing trust into something separated from me, it will not change anything – I am the one who creates this reality and not hope.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in emotional experience of fear of failure.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself that fear of failure exists within and as me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the thought “I hope this business will work” to an emotion of fear of failure.

Realizations and self corrective statements:
I realize that I fear because I do not want to take responsibility for myself and stand up – I am afraid to stand up and actually see what I have accepted and allowed to exist as, therefore I will not accept and allow to be controlled by my creation of fear – instead, I will face myself and I will not try to avoid taking responsibility for myself.
I will not accept and allow to be controlled by fear and if this emotion will come up again, I will forgive myself accordingly because I know that fear is not who and what I am.
When the thought “I hope this business will work” comes up which triggers this fear of failure, I stop and breathe – I forgive myself for participating in that thought and I do not accept and allow to participate in an emotional experience of fear of failure because this is not who I am – instead, I will take responsibility for what I have accepted and allowed and stand up in every moment of every breath.

Self forgiveness on words:
Hope+

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to charge the word “hope” with positive value.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge the word hope as ‘positive’, ‘good’ in my mind.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word “hope” through judging the word “hope” as ‘positive’, ‘good’.

A picture of Jesus praying
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word “hope” to a picture of Jesus praying.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word “hope” within a picture of Jesus praying.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate from the word “hope” and from the picture of Jesus praying through defining word “hope” within a picture of Jesus praying in separation of myself.

Light
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect word “hope” to a word light.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word “hope” within a word light.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate from word “hope” and from word “light” through defining word “hope” within a word light in separation of myself.

Positive outcome
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect word “hope” to positive outcome.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word “hope” within a positive outcome.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate from word “hope” and from positive outcome through defining word “hope” within a positive outcome in separation of myself.

Wish
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect word “hope” to word wish.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word “hope” within wish.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate from word “hope” and from word wish through defining word “hope” within a wish in separation of myself.

A picture of church:
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect word “hope” to a picture of church.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define word “hope” within a picture of church.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate from word “hope” and from a picture of church through defining word “hope” within a picture of church in separation of myself.

Spirituality
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect word “hope” to word spirituality.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define word “hope” within word spirituality.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate from word “hope” and from word spirituality through defining word “hope” within word spirituality in separation of myself.

Re-defining the word hope:

Dictionary definition:
•    the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best
•    a particular instance of this feeling
•    grounds for this feeling in a particular instance
•    to look forward to with desire and reasonable confidence
•    to believe, desire, or trust

Sounding the word:
cope  (meaning: to cope – dealing with something)
ope (meaning: open)
rope (cord) – this one would make sense to me – to tie myself up with a rope by hoping because when being tied, I do not have the ability to stand up, take things into my own hands – I just wait for someone to untie me.

New definition:
I start to hope when I do not want to take things into my own hands – meaning not taking the responsibility. When I start to hope, this is a red flag for me to see that I have to stand up and not wait for someone else to do this instead of me, because no one will do it, except me.
Hope, hoping – waiting for someone or something to “save” you because you don’t want to save yourself by taking the responsibility and standing up.

Picture:
A picture of me showing, how I just sold a product to a customer and I am giving it into her hands while she is giving me her money.

SF:
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a picture of me and a customer exchanging product and money – to exist within me and as me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect successful business to a picture in my mind of me and a customer exchanging product and money.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define successful business within a picture in my mind of me and a customer exchanging product and goods.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from successful business through defining it in separation of myself within a picture of me and a customer exchanging money and product.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect picture of myself and a customer exchanging product and money to a thought “I hope this business will work”.

Realizations and self corrective statements:
I realize that a picture of me and a customer exchanging money and a product comes up in my mind when a thought (“I hope this business will work”) comes up because I want and desire to run a successful business – because of the desire for having more money.
   
I do not accept and allow to wish, hope and desire to run a successful business, because I realize that whatever will happen it will happen because I am the creator of my reality.

I do not accept and allow myself to desire to have more money because I realize that I can easily be controlled by the money and therefore whenever this thought, picture, desire, wish comes up, I forgive it immediately, investigate further into detail if this haven’t been done already.
Whenever a thought “I hope this business will work” comes up, I do not participate in my mind trying to imagine how the things can go in the future – instead, I forgive myself for thinking that thought and I stop to participate in my mind and I stop to imagine things how it would be in the future.

My story about finding Desteni

Before I was introduced to Desteni, I got back together with somebody from my teenage years. I was all into love and consequently I got really jealous and frustrated when we weren’t together, so I was thinking all the time about what he is doing and if he is with somebody else and so on (because we lived 40 minutes drive away). One day I was driving to him with my friend Blaž and we discussed about my emotions and feelings. Blaž introduced me Desteni and its message and at that time it was interesting to me (I didn’t fully understand what it is all about but I got the basic idea) but not interesting enough to investigate it more deeply. I even remember my thoughts back then – the idea is interesting but I am not that type of person who would do that kind of things.

So, one day I mentioned Desteni to my boyfriend and he already knew about it. The thing was that he was doing his process a few years ago but then quit because of the pressure from his friends. I reminded him about it and he started to do it again. At that time I wasn’t following Desteni – I even laughed at him about that. It was all silly to me – the portal and dimensions, even though the messages were clear to me. But I was OK with that as long as I am with him so I can have him – in control. It was also “worked in my advantage” because he quit drinking alcohol and smoking weed so I was calm within myself because I didn’t have any worries about him cheating on me (LOL). Thinking about that now it’s pretty clear that to me this was all about self interest – me being happy and calm and not worrying, have a “true love” and that kind of things.  One day he said to me that we can’t be together anymore if I don’t clear myself and be honest with myself and him – if I don’t start to do my process. So I got really scared, my dreams about “true love” were ruined. Because of this ultimatum that he made, I started to read articles and watch videos so he would see that I am doing something. But I did all of this just because of the fact that if I don’t do this, I will lose him – I did this because I wanted him to be mine. I pretended that I am very into Desteni and such bullshit. But more I read the articles and watched videos more I realized that all of this which they say is true. I know now that this has to be done, it is no other way, no escape from that.

Desteni I process helped me to get started with my writing and also this course has given me a lot of guides in how to use tools more effectively. I became more self directed and consistent. I became aware of my experiences because before Desteni, experiences were just there, without questioning why or how. But now I can see my reactions within myself more clearly.

So this is my short story about how I found Desteni. I never questioned myself where we came from or a life as a greater purpose, but I was certain that we live in the experiment where our life is controlled by a greater force and that we are in a labyrinth like mousses – trapped inside with no escape, that we don’t have control over our own lives and everything is designed to happen in a certain way (like there was a script and we are puppets who are playing by that script). And this is not far from the truth.

Steroids and the perfect male body

This is another blog about body image and what people are prepared to do just to fit in into nowadays society standards.

I was looking some documentary about steroids and it is really interesting how people (mostly men) think that they have to be muscular in order to be noticeable, to have respect from other men and of course to look good in women’s eyes.

Even though steroids are more commonly used in bodybuilding the usage of them is spreading out in non-bodybuilder circles, where there is a need and desire to have more muscle or desire to shed unwanted fat and dissatisfaction with one’s physique. In the most recent years steroid use is getting more popular between teenagers and this is a point to take into the consideration because this clearly shows that more and more young people are obsessed with their body image and they would do almost anything just to fit in. They do not think about the consequences that can happen years later.

In my recent blog I was writing about Barbie doll and the ideal of female body but now, let’s have a look at the ideal of men’s body just by looking at this picture which shows Luke Skywalker and Hans Solo in 1978 on the left side of the photo and the same action figures 20 years later on the right.

What message do this dolls spread among people? Why people can’t accept the fact that they are as they are. Why do we need to change ourselves in order to please others? Why do we think that we are not good enough? Why, why, why? Wouldn’t it be great if we would live in a society where no comparison would be involved, and no pointing fingers, bullying, inferiority and superiority?

Joins us at Desteni and you will see what life can really be.

Drink urine and you will heal yourself

Things that people do to be healthier and more beautiful...
I have came across this therapy called “urine therapy” where you basically drink your own urine or massage it on to your body and this suppose to “heal” or “improve” all sorts of things that people are dealing with in every days life. 

 Urine has been used as alternative medicine for centuries and in a lot of cultures it is believed that urine can act as a panacea (all-healing medicine). It is said that it can prevent, cure and maintain your health and even you can rejuvenate and beautify yourself by drinking it on regular basis.
Some advocates believe that the Bible recommends drinking urine. It says: "Drink waters from thy own cistern, flowing water from thy own well.”

This “therapy” can be used for healing different things such as: snake bites, allergies, tooth pain, asthma, severe heart condition, cancer, chemical intoxication, sexually transmitted diseases including AIDS, hepatitis, baldness, Parkinson’s disease, diabetes, obesity, stroke… Some people drink urine to have clear skin and to lose weight, to slow down aging and all this things.

Now, that you got some info about this therapy let’s have a look at this from a common sense perspective:
Why would you drink your own pee when your body is clearly telling you that this is what it doesn’t need? It is meant to go out. Simple as that.  So in the future we will start to hear how your own shit is good for your skin and then women (or men) will have facial because it suppose to reduce wrinkles on your face or what?

We programmed ourselves over the years so much, that what we do makes no sense anymore. Investigate Desteni where you will find out what LIFE really is.  

Is Barbie based on a German sex doll?

I always wanted a Barbie to play with as a child so I nagged to my mother to buy me one (or two or three...). Yes, eventually I wasn't satisfied with only one doll; I wanted to have all of them, including Barbie car and house of course. I remember my neighbor had a wide collection of Barbie’s and I was at her place every day because she had all of the “good stuff”. I secretly envy her because she had Barbie speedboat, a car, house, horse, cool Barbie clothes and shoes and also I envy her because she had Ken. Yes, yes…the Ken doll was really exciting because we could play like we were in real life. I could call it “a perfect life”, because Barbie and Ken had all! Besides house, cars and all of this stuff, they also had (or they still do) perfect bodies and great relationship which was based on (believe it or not) – sex. As we played with dolls we eventually end up with the scene when Barbie and Ken were having sex.

Anorexic Barbie

 Let’s have a look at the origin of Barbie doll:
The origin of Barbie doll can be traced back to Lilli. Lilli was a character in a German comic strip and she was (as others describes her) sassy, ambitious and she favored boyfriends with a lot of money. Later on they decided to make a Lilli doll, which was originally marketed to adults in bars and tobacco shops as a gag gift or a joke. Lilli’s first advertisements called her “the star of every little bar and many refer to Lilli as a “sex toy”. Ruth Handler (the creator of Barbie) was on a trip to Germany and she discovered Lilli doll. She believed that that kind of doll would enable girls (like her daughter) to imagine themselves in future also in other roles than just being a mother (because at that time, there were just baby dolls mostly). And voila! Barbie was created.

But what does Barbie really represents? There are several points to consider:

• Her body image is way below normal

If Barbie was real human being she would walk on all fours because of her body proportion. In 1965 Slumber Party Barbie was introduced and it came out with a bathroom scale permanently set on 110 lbs (which is approximately 50 kg) and a miniature book with the title “How to lose weight” – inside was a simple advice “Don’t eat”. What message is that sending to young girls all over the world? Just don’t eat and you will look as skinny as Barbie, or what? Are they serious?!

Miniature book with "great" advice inside

Here I could point out also all the commercials and advertisements of beautiful, skinny, flawless women where they are advertising everything else but a product. But this is a different story…maybe I will talk about this one in other blog. But just to explain what I mean with one word – most of the ads you see are selling sex.  

•  A need to be materialistic

Barbie would be nothing without her convertible! Oh, and she needs this house and a whole closet of clothes and shoes…Really? From first hand I know that this is how it is…I also wanted everything as I said at the beginning. Here is a good perspective from an article - Barbie's Effects on American Suburban Culture: “Barbie portrays the doll who could do anything. Her world is open for her. She reflects the time period during the beginning of suburbia where middle class families felt that they had the world open to them because of their new positions in suburbs. Barbie's many accessories represented the high consumption lifestyle of these new suburbanites. She had her dream house, completely furnished, a racy sports car, and a wardrobe that expanded almost every day. The economy was booming and consumerism was on the rise and this was shown in the objects and "necessities" that Barbie possessed. This shows that the majority of consumers of Barbie and her accessories were of the suburban middle class. This also holds true for the materialism in today's society. Individuals are constantly striving to own more and more. As Michelle Sit points out, the amount of accessories that children owned of Barbie could be tied in with their social class. The more accessories, the more money the family had to buy their children toys. Some children may have felt left out in this scenario. The ideals of Barbie are portrayed through this ideal of suburbia that material things are very important.”

• Barbie girl song

Remember that song from Aqua? I sang it all the time when it came out…I was probably in grammar school and I liked that song – dreaming about how cool it would be if I was Barbie while singing that song. I can still hear it in my ears “I’m a Barbie girl, in a Barbie world…life in plastic, it’s fantastic…” Huh, read the lyrics and see what the song is all about:

I'm a Barbie girl in the Barbie world
Life in plastic, it's fantastic
You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere
Imagination, life is your creation

Come on, Barbie, let's go party
I'm a blonde single girl in the fantasy world
Dress me up, take your time, I'm your dollie
You're my doll, rock and roll, feel the glamour and pain
Kiss me here, touch me there, hanky-panky

You can touch, you can play
You can say I'm always yours, oooh whoa

Clearly…it’s about sex! Hanky-panky indeed!

OK...so these are some points that I wanted to share…the conclusion is up to you ;)

Being high is a waste of time

I am dealing with the point of drugs right now since I have noticed that I react every time when someone mentions drugs – especially weed.

I become very stiff and I crawl into my shell completely. I don’t want to talk about anything when this happens. I feel really anxious and uncomfortable. I have tried smoking week a couple of times and I didn’t like the effect of it, because I couldn’t control my body like I wanted and also I went completely in my mind, just thinking about “good” things, wondering about how it would be if this and that happens. I have noticed that I immediately switch into judgmental state of mind when I hear that someone is smoking weed or is taking some other substances that are illegal.

I was like that since I can remember, because everybody around me talked about drugs like they are really bad and were just scaring me what can all happen if I take them and so on. So, basically they influenced on my way of thinking about drugs and believing things that are not necessarily true. I am scared of drugs – just hearing about them is making me scared. And this fear comes from the point that I am afraid of not being in control – afraid to lose myself, lose my direction.

I want to feel my body, control my body like I want and I want to be here in physical reality, not in my mind, because being high is taking me away all this things. When being high, I can’t move my body the way I want because I am like jelly, I can’t concentrate and I just speak bullshit – things that don’t make sense at all. So, when drugs are present in any way what so ever (just in conversation or when someone is taking them) I react, because I am afraid to lose myself, not having complete control.

I also realized that I judge people who smoke weed and this judgment comes also from my childhood because I was growing up with an alcoholic in our house and most of that time I experienced fear because I knew that this person who was drinking wasn’t himself when being drunk. He was completely different person (sometimes really happy and opened for a conversation, and sometimes enraged like if you would release a hungry lion out of the cage). I saw different personalities all the time when he was drunk and I couldn’t stand that. And when I draw a line here and compare those two situations together (being drunk and high), they are almost the same - I can see the change in person, because the behavior is not the same. Because of that, I am almost certain that this fear and judgment has to do with the pas experiences from my childhood.

I am going to look more into detail on this point by writing self forgiveness and I will deal with every single memory and experience, emotion and feeling to get to the bottom of this, step by step, really focusing on every single detail.

Better for me to get started! :)

Starving myself to "look good"?!

I am still struggling to accept myself as who I am – well…to accept my body as it is. I catch myself several times during the day that I think about how I would like my body to look like. I get that kind of thoughts mostly when I watch television or when I browse through magazines where all these pictures are seen (especially now when summer is around the corner and a lot of pictures represent hot chicks in bikinis). So I often get thoughts like “From now on, I will starve myself so I will be skinny” or “I will go run tomorrow and I will eat healthy from tomorrow on” or “I will only eat one can of tuna and fruit per day” because of my desire to look like those girls in pictures and on TV – even though I do not do that then. But I realized that this is really insane (even though I still get those thoughts now and then…). Why insane? Well…there are a lot of reasons for that – obvious ones…but I would like to point out one or two that are really sad actually.

Here we have all these celebrities who are really skinny (to that point when this is not good for their bodies anymore), starving themselves on purpose just to look “good” and on the other side, we have half (or even more) of the population who don’t have enough money to buy food, who struggle to survive through the day because they don’t have nothing to live from…Isn’t this ironic? Here, people intentionally starve themselves to be skinny and there people die from starvation?  

And another polarity is when people overeat themselves, having problems with increased cholesterol level, can’t walk 10 meters without being out of breath and then we have again starving people all over the world.

We have to look around people. What are we doing…it is insanity. We do not appreciate the food that is given to us at all! We just take and take and take, not taking into consideration anyone else but ourselves. It is time to change and Desteni is the right place to start. Investigate Desteni I Process and Equal Money! Let’s start changing the World to a better place!

Allergy and irritation

I have a really bad cold mixed with wisdom tooth pain (from growing) and allergy to pollen. So - everything combined – not cool.

I became allergic to pollen a few years ago in high school. At first, I didn’t know that this is allergy; I just thought that I have a cold, because my nose was all blocked up and I sneezed a lot. But the next year at that time of the year it happened again, because I have noticed that it got worse when I am out, close to grass. So, I started to take medicine to ease the symptoms. But one year it got worse – to the point when I couldn’t breathe normally. My chest was wheezing, my nostrils were blocked up completely, my eyes were red from irritation and my throat was hurting like I was having angina. This year is again “the bad year” – this depends on the concentration of the pollen in the air. 

Every year when this allergy starts, my right down wisdom tooth starts to grow at the same time, so I have to deal with some pain and unpleasantness because of this. This year (this is now the third year) it was super fun, because I caught a cold also. So my right side of my face was little swallowed and I also had headaches, so I haven’t got a good sleep for a week now. It is getting better now, but this was a reminder that I have to work on something. Maybe this allergy has a connection with “irritation” towards my family, because I am very annoyed by them when someone asks me something. I change my behavior in front of them, I become nervous and rude for no reason. And I just can’t control my reaction – but I know I didn’t try hard enough. This wisdom tooth…I can’t connect it to anything at the moment.

Because of the cold, my senses for smell and taste got weak and I have noticed that I don’t have appetite, since I don’t taste or smell anything when eating food. This is pretty cool because now I eat when I am hungry and I don’t care what is on the menu because it isn’t matter – I don’t taste it anyway. I just realized that more than half of the food I eat is because it tastes or smells good (and I am talking about food that my body doesn’t need, for example chocolate, mayonnaise, ketchup, chips, juice, cookies, snacks…etc) and I usually overeat. Sometimes when something “good” is for lunch, I would eat until my stomach hurts even though I could throw up the next second. And this is really unacceptable because when writing this I see that I don’t appreciate the food or my body, I act egoistic because all I do is to please myself (my mind) when doing this, to get this satisfaction within myself.

I do not accept and allow doing this anymore.

Is Heaven on Earth possible?

Yesterday, I caught myself complaining about my job while talking to someone and I have noticed that I wanted her to feel sorry for me (like how I am poor because I work for low wage and every day including weekends and holydays, not really good working time, etc.).But then I was like “What the f***?!”- I am complaining here because I HAVE the job while others can’t even get it and I can afford things like more than a half of the world can’t…Imagine all the people who have to work all day (for 15 hours or more per day) and who get paid like 2$ per day or even less than that. 

Now…the question I have asked myself was how would I survive with 2$ per day? I couldn’t. These people (including children) have to work in terrible conditions, they can barely support themselves, have no shelter, food…And for what? So people in elite countries can buy a pair of Nike shoes for 100$ or more, when they in fact cost less than 5$ to make.

The real solution is here – Equal Money System, where all life will be treated equally from birth to death.

Investigate Equal Money System and join us, so we can create real HEAVEN ON EARTH for ALL!

I wish I could be skinnier - SF

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect seeing myself in the mirror to the thought “I have gained weight again. I wish I could be skinnier.”

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing seeing myself in the mirror to exist as a trigger point within me, which triggers the thought of “I have gained weight again. I wish I could be skinnier”.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect hard to zip up my pants because they are too tight to the thought “I gained weight again. I wish I could be skinnier.”

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself that getting dressed and realize that the pants are too tight exists as a trigger point within me, which triggers the thought of “I gained weight again. I wish I could be skinnier”.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want/desire to be skinnier.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the desire/want to be skinnier to exist within and as me.

Previous script on trigger point:

Whenever I see myself in the mirror or when I see that my clothes are too small, a thought “I have gained weight again. I wish I could be skinnier.” comes up – thinking if I was skinnier, I would be more confident and beautiful, I would not experience worries within myself about what will other think about my body.

New script on trigger point:

Whenever I see myself in a mirror or getting dressed and see that my pants doesn’t fit – I stop, I breathe – I do not accept or allow myself to separate myself from reality desiring and wishing to be skinnier, thinking and believing that I would be worriless and beautiful. Also I do not accept and allow myself to compare with other beings – instead I realize that I am here, one and equal with myself and other beings and with my body. I do not allow myself to separate myself from my physical body.

Specific type/’shade’ of Emotion or Feeling:

Sadness: disappointment, frustration, misery

Anger: jealousy towards others

Discomfort, dislike

Reason for connecting Thought to Emotion/Feeling:

I am disappointed in myself because I didn’t keep up with my diet and I let this happen – gaining weight (not having “perfect body”). Also I am disappointed in myself because I don’t have persistence to work out at home by myself.

I am frustrated because my body is not how I would like it to be.

I am feeling miserable because of the way my body looks like.

I am jealous towards other women who have body that I desire about. And also I am jealous towards women who are confident in their skin and don’t worry about their appearance.

I am angry with myself because I have gained weight, because I don’t watch what I eat, because I over eat, because I judge myself.

I feel discomfort while watching myself in the mirror because I don’t like how my body looks like.

I feel dislike when I see myself in the mirror because I don’t like my body image and my curves around waist area.

Self-Forgiveness on Connecting Thought with Emotion/Feeling and Reason for Connection:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the thought “I have gained weight again. I wish I could be skinnier” to an emotional experience of disappointment, because I am not pleased with myself and the way I look.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within an emotional experience of disappointment because I am not self disciplined enough to eat what my body really needs.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within an emotional experience of disappointment because I have gained weight.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within an emotional experience of disappointment because I realize that I don’t have persistence and self will to work out at home by myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself that I need somebody that will push me through exercises, because I realize that I don’t want to do this by myself, alone.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within an emotional experience of disappointment because I desire/want my body to be skinnier.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as fat, because I want my body to be skinnier.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am fat.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire eating a lot of food even though I am not hungry.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the thought “I have gained weight again. I wish I could be skinnier” to an emotional experience of frustration, because I want my body to be skinnier than it is.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within an emotional experience of frustration, because I don’t like how my body looks like when I am looking myself into a mirror.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself on the way my body looks.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold on to definitions of a “perfect” body and how body should look like that I see on TV or magazines.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the thought “I have gained weight again. I want to be skinnier” to an emotional experience of misery, because I am not happy with how my body looks like and I want to be skinny as I was a few months ago.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within an emotional experience of misery, because of the way my body looks.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the thought “I have gained weight again. I want to be skinnier” to an emotional experience of jealousy, because I envy other women who have a body that I want to have.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to envy other women because of their looks.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within an emotional experience of jealousy, because I compare myself with other women about their body.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compare with other women about our looks.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within an emotional experience of jealousy towards other women, because I want/desire to have a body like them.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be jealous on women who are skinny because I want to be like them.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself because I am participating within an emotional experience of jealousy towards other women.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within an emotional experience of jealousy towards women who are confident.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire/want to be confident.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as unconfident, because I don’t have “perfect” body.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that women who are confident don’t worry about their appearance.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the thought “I have gained weight again. I wish I could be skinnier” to an emotion experience of anger because I gained weight.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within an emotional experience of anger because I have gained weight.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within an emotional experience of anger because I don’t watch what I eat.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I gained weight because I don’t watch what I eat.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within an emotional experience of anger because I overeat.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself because I eat when I am not hungry.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself because I overeat.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am addicted to food.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as food junkie, because I eat when I am not hungry and I overeat.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as unattractive because I gained weight.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the thought “I have gained weight again. I wish I could be skinnier” to an emotional experience of discomfort because I don’t like how my body looks like.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within an emotional experience of discomfort because I don’t like how my body looks.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel discomfort within myself when I see other confident women, because I feel inferior towards confident women.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel inferior towards confident women because I believe that I have nothing to be proud of on my body.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience discomfort within myself because I am not confident enough.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the thought “I have gained weight again. I wish I could be skinnier” to a emotional experience of dislike, because I judge how my body looks like.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within an emotional experience of dislike because I don’t like how my body looks like when I see myself in the mirror.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge my body the way it looks.

I realize and accept myself as one and equal as my body – my body and I are equal and one.

I realize that I need to take responsibility for what I have accepted and allowed, I have to start to stand on my own and stop to depend on others, stop to let others to take responsibility instead of me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in emotions, feelings and thoughts towards gaining weight, instead of realizing that my body is trying to tell me something that needs to be corrected.

I do not accept and allow myself to separate myself from other women through trying to see myself through their eyes.

I do not accept and allow myself to separate myself from other women through comparing myself to them – I am one and equal as other women and I do not accept anything less than that.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to leave in the past (wishing to look like a few months ago) instead of realizing that I am not the past, I am here as I am, in the moment of every breath.

I do not accept or allow myself to participate in jealousy, because I realize and accept that I and other women are one and equal and because of that I realize that there is nothing that other women have that I don’t.

I do not accept and allow myself to create beliefs towards other women.

I realize that I don’t eat what my body really needs, instead of eating what is best for my body, I eat what my mind wants and desire, therefore I do not accept and allow myself to eat what my mind desires, I will eat what my body needs.

Words, pictures and memories:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to charge the word “beauty” with a positive value.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge the word “beauty” as ‘good’/ ‘positive’/ ‘right’ within my mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word “beauty” through judging the word ‘Freedom’ as ‘good’/ ‘positive’/ ‘right’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word “beauty” to a memory of me being skinnier and fitter.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word “beauty” within a memory of me being skinnier and fitter.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from word “beauty” and from a memory of me being skinnier and fitter through defining word “beauty” within being skinnier and fitter in separation of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word “beauty” to toned body.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word “beauty” within toned body.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from word “beauty” and from toned body through defining word “beauty” within toned boy in separation of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word “beauty” to makeup.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word “beauty” within makeup.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from word “beauty” and from makeup through defining word “beauty” within makeup in separation of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word “beauty” to a picture of me starving myself and feeling miserable.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word “beauty” within a picture of me starving myself and feeling miserable.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from word “beauty” and from a picture of me starving and being miserable through defining word “beauty” within a picture of me starving and feeling miserable in separation of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word “beauty” to Tyra Banks.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word “beauty” to Tyra Banks.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word “beauty” and from Tyra Banks through defining word “beauty” within Tyra Banks in separation of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word “beauty” to a picture of a six pack abs.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word “beauty” within six pack abs.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word “beauty” and from six pack abs through defining word “beauty” within six pack abs in separation of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word “beauty” to flawless skin.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word “beauty” within flawless skin.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word “beauty” and from flawless skin through defining word “beauty” within flawless skin in separation of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word “beauty” to perfection.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word “beauty” within perfection.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from word “beauty” and from perfection through defining word “beauty” within perfection in separation of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word “beauty” to money.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word “beauty” within money.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word “beauty” and from money through defining word “beauty” within money in separation of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word “beauty” to health.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word “beauty” within health.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word “beauty” and from health through defining word “beauty” within health in separation of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word “beauty” to long, dark hair.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word “beauty” within long, dark hair.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word “beauty” and from long, dark hair through defining word “beauty” within long, dark hair in separation of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word “beauty” to a picture of a woman getting a massage.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word “beauty” within a picture of a woman getting a relaxing massage.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word “beauty” and from a picture of a woman getting a relaxing massage through defining word “beauty” within a picture of a woman getting a massage in separation of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word “beauty” to a memory of me going to the gym every day.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word “beauty” within a memory of me going to the gym every day.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word “beauty” and from a memory of me going to the gym every day through defining word “beauty” within a memory of me going to the gym every day in separation of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word “beauty” to a pink lily flower with white stripes.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word “beauty” within a pink lily flower with white stripes.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from word “beauty” and from a pink lily flower with white stripes in separation of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word “beauty” in polarity according to the word ugly.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the world “beauty” and from word ugly through defining “beauty” in polarity according to the word ugly, in separation of myself.

Previous definition of the word beauty:

Something that is “perfect” on the outside looking it from the perspective of the mind. Seeing images of celebrities that you can see on TV or in magazines through my physical eyes

New definition of the word beauty:

Beauty as self expression, as me as who I am. Perfection of self – meaning to leave as one and equal as life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to charge the word “confidence” with a positive value.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge the word “confidence” as ‘good’/ ‘positive’/ ‘right’ within my mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word “confidence” through judging the word ‘Freedom’ as ‘good’/ ‘positive’/ ‘right’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word “confidence” to a memory when I was walking home from school and some students were making fun of me and I was ashamed and was looking down on the ground.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word “confidence” within a memory of me walking home from school and being ashamed.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word “confidence” and from a memory of me walking home from school and feeling ashamed through defining word “confidence” within a memory of me being ashamed in separation of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word “confidence” to a business woman dressed in business clothes.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word “confidence” within a business woman dressed in business clothes.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word “confidence” and from a business woman dressed in business clothes through defining word “confidence” within a business woman dressed in business clothes in separation of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word “confidence” to control.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word “confidence” within control.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word “confidence” and from control through defining word “confidence” within control in separation of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word “confidence” to a feeling of relief.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word “confidence” within a feeling of relief.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word “confidence” and from a feeling of relief through defining word “confidence” within a feeling of relief in separation of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word “confidence” to pride.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word “confidence” within pride.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from word “confidence” and from pride through defining word “confidence” within pride in separation of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word “confidence” to a picture of me standing fearless in front of my professors while I am having a presentation of my diploma.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to defining the word “confidence” within a picture of me standing fearless while having a presentation of my diploma in front of my professors.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word “confidence” and from a picture of me standing fearless and having a presentation of my diploma through defining word “confidence” within a picture of me standing fearless and having a presentation of my diploma in separation of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word “confidence” to fearless.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word “confidence” within fearless.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word “confidence” and from fearless through defining word “confidence” within fearless in separation of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word “confidence” to a picture of me, holding my head high.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word “confidence” within a picture of me, holding my head high.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word “confidence” and from a picture of me holding my head high through defining word “confidence” within a picture of me holding my head high in separation of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word “confidence” to a memory of me reading an article about rising up your confidence.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word “confidence” within a memory of reading an article about rising up your confidence.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word “confidence” and from a memory of reading an article through defining word “confidence” within a memory of reading an article in separation of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word “confidence” to standing up for myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word “confidence” within standing up for myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word “confidence” and from standing up for myself through defining word “confidence” within standing up for myself in separation of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word “confidence” to power.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word “confidence” within power.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word “confidence” and from power through defining word “confidence” within power in separation of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word “confidence” in polarity according to the word unconfidence.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word “confidence” and from the word unconfidence through defining “confidence” in polarity according to the word unconfidence, in separation of myself.

Old definition of the word confidence:

Something or somebody who has power and control over oneself, being fearless and direct, having trust in oneself.

New definition of the word confidence:

Accepting myself as one and equal to other beings and standing as one and equal in every breath.

Self-Forgiveness on Picture as a whole, details of the picture, what the picture represents and Connection to the thought:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a picture of me standing and watching on a scale with a reflection of myself in a mirror at the background in an empty room – to exist within and as me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the picture of me standing on a scale to the thought “I have gained weight again. I wish I could be skinnier”.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect frustration, prejudice and unhappiness to a picture in my mind of me standing and watching on a scale with a reflection of myself in the mirror at the background in an empty room.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the words frustration, prejudice and unhappiness within a picture in my mind of me standing and watching on a scale with a reflection of myself in the mirror at the background in an empty room.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from frustration, prejudice and unhappiness through defining the words in separation of myself within a picture of me standing and watching on a scale.

Complete unfolding of Memory 1:

I remember the time when I was going to the gym every day to aerobic lessons. I was working out really hard and I was having fun while exercising – we were singing the songs together with the group and instructor, enjoying the music. I remember a big smile on my face and a lot of sweating and determination.

Another memory came up and this one was when I was skinnier and I felt good because of that. I was getting all kinds of attention because I lost some weight and everybody was having something to say. I remember one moment when I was in the kitchen standing beside the kitchen counter and my father looked at me and said that I will break on half and that my body is too thin (he was appalled) and I liked that. I felt comfortable in my body and I was more confident.

Relevant points within the Memory 1:

•    aerobic lessons

•    having fun

Reason for holding on to the Memory 1:

Defining beauty according to this memory of me getting to aerobics every day

Self-Forgiveness on Memory 1:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect a memory of going to the gym every day and enjoying exercising and having fun, to the thought “I have gained weight again. I wish I could be skinnier”.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold on to the memory of me going to the gym every day and enjoying exercising and having fun.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have defined my beauty within a memory of me going to the gym every day and having fun while exercising.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from beauty through defining it within a memory of me going to the gym every day and having fun while exercising, in separation of myself.

Complete unfolding of Memory 2:

Another memory came up and this one was when I was skinnier and I felt good because of that. I was getting all kinds of attention because I lost some weight and everybody was having something to say. I remember one moment when I was in the kitchen standing beside the kitchen counter and my father looked at me and said that I will break on half and that my body is too thin (he was appalled) and I liked that. I felt comfortable in my body and I was more confident.

Relevant points within the Memory 2:

•    being skinnier

•    getting attention

•    fathers reaction

•    being comfortable and confident

Reason for holding on to the Memory 2:

A want and desire to be skinny again and getting attention and also defining beauty according to this memory.

Self-Forgiveness on Memory 2:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the memory of me being skinnier and getting attention from people like my father and their reactions and a feeling of being comfortable and confident because of that, to a thought “I have gained weight again. I wish I could be skinnier”.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold on to a memory of me being skinnier and getting all this attention from other people, including my father’s reaction and a feeling of being comfortable and confident because of that.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have defined a want and desire to be skinny again and to have defined beauty within a memory of me being skinnier and getting attention, feeling confident and comfortable.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold on to a memory of me being skinnier because I desire to be skinnier like I was in the past.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold on to a memory of being skinnier and getting attention because I want to feel special.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word “special” to a memory of me being skinnier and getting attention.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word “special” within a memory of me being skinnier and getting attention.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from word “special” and from a memory of me being skinnier and getting attention through defining word “special” within a memory of me being skinnier and getting attention in separation of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word special in polarity according to the words worthless and unimportant.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word “special” and from words worthless and unimportant through defining “special” in polarity according to the words unimportant and worthless, in separation of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold on to a memory of me getting a reaction from my father because I was skinny, because I felt special and noticeable in his eyes and I desire to be special and noticeable in my father’s eyes.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for wanting and desiring to be noticeable and special in my father’s eyes because I want to have his attention.