A few days ago I had a little argue with my grandma and the reason why was because she was calling me (or should I say jelling) from downstairs and this is like a two floors away from where I was at that time. So I didn't hear her because I was on the phone. She came upstairs, very pissed off, because I didn't answer and said that I have to move my car. So I said to her that I didn't hear her because I was phoning so she jelled at me not hearing me what I was saying to her so I raised my voice and repeated the sentence. She was so in the »anger mode« that she hit me over my head (not a lot but I got the idea what she was doing – at that moment I just breathed and calmed myself) and I said to her that I don't remember hitting her and why she did that. She didn't answer to my question. I moved my car and went into the house not saying anything to her anymore. I felt how anger overflew my body and I was feeling that a few minutes later when I was already alone in my room. I felt how my body wants to shake because of a »shock« so I just stopped myself in that moment and breathed. It helped a lot because normally I would be like that all day if not two.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry at my grandma because she jelled at me not realizing that I also jelled at her, so I am angry at myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry at myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sorry for myself because I “didn’t do anything wrong” , not realizing that I am responsible for my actions.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react on reactions of others.