Make up is one thing that I was using from really early years of my life. It all started in grammar school; I was about 12 years old when I started to have a desire for wearing makeup. I secretly put it on before going to school so my mother won’t notice because she wouldn’t let me to wear it. When I came home from school I washed my face because I was scared that she would see me that I hide something from her. But this desire came to me because a few girls in my class wore makeup and I felt that I need to wear it too because I was trying to fit into group of “popular girls”. I started to feel more confident when I was all made-up and I started to use makeup every day. It got to that point that I wouldn’t go out with a dog without wearing makeup because I was afraid that someone would see me how I look without it.
I haven’t been wearing makeup for almost a year now, except for a few days in this period of time. I remember one day when superiors from Italy came to work, I was all dolled-up because I was afraid that they won’t like me the way I am without makeup, that I am not tidy enough but that was just me thinking that way and judging myself because I still wasn’t comfortable with my true image, without false presentation of who I am. Makeup does that – it creates a false image of person, mask behind which we hide ourselves from the truth. And also we deceive others by wearing it. I act like a completely different person when I wore makeup. I was more loud, wanting to have attention, I was more relaxed, confident but when I was “caught” without it, I was shy, reserved, more quiet, I didn’t dare to look person who I was talking to into his/hers eyes.
I was watching a video from Destonian girls where they were talking about this topic. There are really cool points in their discussion where I can see myself in there completely. Here’s the video:
Before I was introduced to Desteni, I got back together with somebody from my teenage years. I was all into love and consequently I got really jealous and frustrated when we weren’t together, so I was thinking all the time about what he is doing and if he is with somebody else and so on (because we lived 40 minutes drive away). One day I was driving to him with my friend Blaž and we discussed about my emotions and feelings. Blaž introduced me Desteni and its message and at that time it was interesting to me (I didn’t fully understand what it is all about but I got the basic idea) but not interesting enough to investigate it more deeply. I even remember my thoughts back then – the idea is interesting but I am not that type of person who would do that kind of things.
So, one day I mentioned Desteni to my boyfriend and he already knew about it. The thing was that he was doing his process a few years ago but then quit because of the pressure from his friends. I reminded him about it and he started to do it again. At that time I wasn’t following Desteni – I even laughed at him about that. It was all silly to me – the portal and dimensions, even though the messages were clear to me. But I was OK with that as long as I am with him so I can have him – in control. It was also “worked in my advantage” because he quit drinking alcohol and smoking weed so I was calm within myself because I didn’t have any worries about him cheating on me (LOL). Thinking about that now it’s pretty clear that to me this was all about self interest – me being happy and calm and not worrying, have a “true love” and that kind of things. One day he said to me that we can’t be together anymore if I don’t clear myself and be honest with myself and him – if I don’t start to do my process. So I got really scared, my dreams about “true love” were ruined. Because of this ultimatum that he made, I started to read articles and watch videos so he would see that I am doing something. But I did all of this just because of the fact that if I don’t do this, I will lose him – I did this because I wanted him to be mine. I pretended that I am very into Desteni and such bullshit. But more I read the articles and watched videos more I realized that all of this which they say is true. I know now that this has to be done, it is no other way, no escape from that.
Desteni I process helped me to get started with my writing and also this course has given me a lot of guides in how to use tools more effectively. I became more self directed and consistent. I became aware of my experiences because before Desteni, experiences were just there, without questioning why or how. But now I can see my reactions within myself more clearly.
So this is my short story about how I found Desteni. I never questioned myself where we came from or a life as a greater purpose, but I was certain that we live in the experiment where our life is controlled by a greater force and that we are in a labyrinth like mousses – trapped inside with no escape, that we don’t have control over our own lives and everything is designed to happen in a certain way (like there was a script and we are puppets who are playing by that script). And this is not far from the truth.
This is another blog about body image and what people are prepared to do just to fit in into nowadays society standards.
I was looking some documentary about steroids and it is really interesting how people (mostly men) think that they have to be muscular in order to be noticeable, to have respect from other men and of course to look good in women’s eyes.
Even though steroids are more commonly used in bodybuilding the usage of them is spreading out in non-bodybuilder circles, where there is a need and desire to have more muscle or desire to shed unwanted fat and dissatisfaction with one’s physique. In the most recent years steroid use is getting more popular between teenagers and this is a point to take into the consideration because this clearly shows that more and more young people are obsessed with their body image and they would do almost anything just to fit in. They do not think about the consequences that can happen years later.
In my recent blog I was writing about Barbie doll and the ideal of female body but now, let’s have a look at the ideal of men’s body just by looking at this picture which shows Luke Skywalker and Hans Solo in 1978 on the left side of the photo and the same action figures 20 years later on the right.
What message do this dolls spread among people? Why people can’t accept the fact that they are as they are. Why do we need to change ourselves in order to please others? Why do we think that we are not good enough? Why, why, why? Wouldn’t it be great if we would live in a society where no comparison would be involved, and no pointing fingers, bullying, inferiority and superiority?
Joins us at Desteni and you will see what life can really be.
Things that people do to be healthier and more beautiful...
I have came across this therapy called “urine therapy” where you basically drink your own urine or massage it on to your body and this suppose to “heal” or “improve” all sorts of things that people are dealing with in every days life.
Urine has been used as alternative medicine for centuries and in a lot of cultures it is believed that urine can act as a panacea (all-healing medicine). It is said that it can prevent, cure and maintain your health and even you can rejuvenate and beautify yourself by drinking it on regular basis.
Some advocates believe that the Bible recommends drinking urine. It says: "Drink waters from thy own cistern, flowing water from thy own well.”
This “therapy” can be used for healing different things such as: snake bites, allergies, tooth pain, asthma, severe heart condition, cancer, chemical intoxication, sexually transmitted diseases including AIDS, hepatitis, baldness, Parkinson’s disease, diabetes, obesity, stroke… Some people drink urine to have clear skin and to lose weight, to slow down aging and all this things.
Now, that you got some info about this therapy let’s have a look at this from a common sense perspective:
Why would you drink your own pee when your body is clearly telling you that this is what it doesn’t need? It is meant to go out. Simple as that. So in the future we will start to hear how your own shit is good for your skin and then women (or men) will have facial because it suppose to reduce wrinkles on your face or what?
We programmed ourselves over the years so much, that what we do makes no sense anymore. Investigate Desteni where you will find out what LIFE really is.
I always wanted a Barbie to play with as a child so I nagged to my mother to buy me one (or two or three...). Yes, eventually I wasn't satisfied with only one doll; I wanted to have all of them, including Barbie car and house of course. I remember my neighbor had a wide collection of Barbie’s and I was at her place every day because she had all of the “good stuff”. I secretly envy her because she had Barbie speedboat, a car, house, horse, cool Barbie clothes and shoes and also I envy her because she had Ken. Yes, yes…the Ken doll was really exciting because we could play like we were in real life. I could call it “a perfect life”, because Barbie and Ken had all! Besides house, cars and all of this stuff, they also had (or they still do) perfect bodies and great relationship which was based on (believe it or not) – sex. As we played with dolls we eventually end up with the scene when Barbie and Ken were having sex.
Anorexic Barbie
Let’s have a look at the origin of Barbie doll:
The origin of Barbie doll can be traced back to Lilli. Lilli was a character in a German comic strip and she was (as others describes her) sassy, ambitious and she favored boyfriends with a lot of money. Later on they decided to make a Lilli doll, which was originally marketed to adults in bars and tobacco shops as a gag gift or a joke. Lilli’s first advertisements called her “the star of every little bar and many refer to Lilli as a “sex toy”. Ruth Handler (the creator of Barbie) was on a trip to Germany and she discovered Lilli doll. She believed that that kind of doll would enable girls (like her daughter) to imagine themselves in future also in other roles than just being a mother (because at that time, there were just baby dolls mostly). And voila! Barbie was created.
But what does Barbie really represents? There are several points to consider:
Her body image is way below normal
If Barbie was real human being she would walk on all fours because of her body proportion. In 1965 Slumber Party Barbie was introduced and it came out with a bathroom scale permanently set on 110 lbs (which is approximately 50 kg) and a miniature book with the title “How to lose weight” – inside was a simple advice “Don’t eat”. What message is that sending to young girls all over the world? Just don’t eat and you will look as skinny as Barbie, or what? Are they serious?!
Miniature book with "great" advice inside
Here I could point out also all the commercials and advertisements of beautiful, skinny, flawless women where they are advertising everything else but a product. But this is a different story…maybe I will talk about this one in other blog. But just to explain what I mean with one word – most of the ads you see are selling sex.
A need to be materialistic
Barbie would be nothing without her convertible! Oh, and she needs this house and a whole closet of clothes and shoes…Really? From first hand I know that this is how it is…I also wanted everything as I said at the beginning. Here is a good perspective from an article - Barbie's Effects on American Suburban Culture: “Barbie portrays the doll who could do anything. Her world is open for her. She reflects the time period during the beginning of suburbia where middle class families felt that they had the world open to them because of their new positions in suburbs. Barbie's many accessories represented the high consumption lifestyle of these new suburbanites. She had her dream house, completely furnished, a racy sports car, and a wardrobe that expanded almost every day. The economy was booming and consumerism was on the rise and this was shown in the objects and "necessities" that Barbie possessed. This shows that the majority of consumers of Barbie and her accessories were of the suburban middle class. This also holds true for the materialism in today's society. Individuals are constantly striving to own more and more. As Michelle Sit points out, the amount of accessories that children owned of Barbie could be tied in with their social class. The more accessories, the more money the family had to buy their children toys. Some children may have felt left out in this scenario. The ideals of Barbie are portrayed through this ideal of suburbia that material things are very important.”
Barbie girl song
Remember that song from Aqua? I sang it all the time when it came out…I was probably in grammar school and I liked that song – dreaming about how cool it would be if I was Barbie while singing that song. I can still hear it in my ears “I’m a Barbie girl, in a Barbie world…life in plastic, it’s fantastic…” Huh, read the lyrics and see what the song is all about:
I'm a Barbie girl in the Barbie world
Life in plastic, it's fantastic
You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere
Imagination, life is your creation
Come on, Barbie, let's go party
I'm a blonde single girl in the fantasy world
Dress me up, take your time, I'm your dollie
You're my doll, rock and roll, feel the glamour and pain
Kiss me here, touch me there, hanky-panky
You can touch, you can play
You can say I'm always yours, oooh whoa
Clearly…it’s about sex! Hanky-panky indeed!
OK...so these are some points that I wanted to share…the conclusion is up to you ;)
I am dealing with the point of drugs right now since I have noticed that I react every time when someone mentions drugs – especially weed.
I become very stiff and I crawl into my shell completely. I don’t want to talk about anything when this happens. I feel really anxious and uncomfortable. I have tried smoking week a couple of times and I didn’t like the effect of it, because I couldn’t control my body like I wanted and also I went completely in my mind, just thinking about “good” things, wondering about how it would be if this and that happens. I have noticed that I immediately switch into judgmental state of mind when I hear that someone is smoking weed or is taking some other substances that are illegal.
I was like that since I can remember, because everybody around me talked about drugs like they are really bad and were just scaring me what can all happen if I take them and so on. So, basically they influenced on my way of thinking about drugs and believing things that are not necessarily true. I am scared of drugs – just hearing about them is making me scared. And this fear comes from the point that I am afraid of not being in control – afraid to lose myself, lose my direction.
I want to feel my body, control my body like I want and I want to be here in physical reality, not in my mind, because being high is taking me away all this things. When being high, I can’t move my body the way I want because I am like jelly, I can’t concentrate and I just speak bullshit – things that don’t make sense at all. So, when drugs are present in any way what so ever (just in conversation or when someone is taking them) I react, because I am afraid to lose myself, not having complete control.
I also realized that I judge people who smoke weed and this judgment comes also from my childhood because I was growing up with an alcoholic in our house and most of that time I experienced fear because I knew that this person who was drinking wasn’t himself when being drunk. He was completely different person (sometimes really happy and opened for a conversation, and sometimes enraged like if you would release a hungry lion out of the cage). I saw different personalities all the time when he was drunk and I couldn’t stand that. And when I draw a line here and compare those two situations together (being drunk and high), they are almost the same - I can see the change in person, because the behavior is not the same. Because of that, I am almost certain that this fear and judgment has to do with the pas experiences from my childhood.
I am going to look more into detail on this point by writing self forgiveness and I will deal with every single memory and experience, emotion and feeling to get to the bottom of this, step by step, really focusing on every single detail.
I am still struggling to accept myself as who I am – well…to accept my body as it is. I catch myself several times during the day that I think about how I would like my body to look like. I get that kind of thoughts mostly when I watch television or when I browse through magazines where all these pictures are seen (especially now when summer is around the corner and a lot of pictures represent hot chicks in bikinis). So I often get thoughts like “From now on, I will starve myself so I will be skinny” or “I will go run tomorrow and I will eat healthy from tomorrow on” or “I will only eat one can of tuna and fruit per day” because of my desire to look like those girls in pictures and on TV – even though I do not do that then. But I realized that this is really insane (even though I still get those thoughts now and then…). Why insane? Well…there are a lot of reasons for that – obvious ones…but I would like to point out one or two that are really sad actually.
Here we have all these celebrities who are really skinny (to that point when this is not good for their bodies anymore), starving themselves on purpose just to look “good” and on the other side, we have half (or even more) of the population who don’t have enough money to buy food, who struggle to survive through the day because they don’t have nothing to live from…Isn’t this ironic? Here, people intentionally starve themselves to be skinny and there people die from starvation?
And another polarity is when people overeat themselves, having problems with increased cholesterol level, can’t walk 10 meters without being out of breath and then we have again starving people all over the world.
We have to look around people. What are we doing…it is insanity. We do not appreciate the food that is given to us at all! We just take and take and take, not taking into consideration anyone else but ourselves. It is time to change and Desteni is the right place to start. Investigate Desteni I Process and Equal Money! Let’s start changing the World to a better place!
