Starving myself to "look good"?!

I am still struggling to accept myself as who I am – well…to accept my body as it is. I catch myself several times during the day that I think about how I would like my body to look like. I get that kind of thoughts mostly when I watch television or when I browse through magazines where all these pictures are seen (especially now when summer is around the corner and a lot of pictures represent hot chicks in bikinis). So I often get thoughts like “From now on, I will starve myself so I will be skinny” or “I will go run tomorrow and I will eat healthy from tomorrow on” or “I will only eat one can of tuna and fruit per day” because of my desire to look like those girls in pictures and on TV – even though I do not do that then. But I realized that this is really insane (even though I still get those thoughts now and then…). Why insane? Well…there are a lot of reasons for that – obvious ones…but I would like to point out one or two that are really sad actually.

Here we have all these celebrities who are really skinny (to that point when this is not good for their bodies anymore), starving themselves on purpose just to look “good” and on the other side, we have half (or even more) of the population who don’t have enough money to buy food, who struggle to survive through the day because they don’t have nothing to live from…Isn’t this ironic? Here, people intentionally starve themselves to be skinny and there people die from starvation?  

And another polarity is when people overeat themselves, having problems with increased cholesterol level, can’t walk 10 meters without being out of breath and then we have again starving people all over the world.

We have to look around people. What are we doing…it is insanity. We do not appreciate the food that is given to us at all! We just take and take and take, not taking into consideration anyone else but ourselves. It is time to change and Desteni is the right place to start. Investigate Desteni I Process and Equal Money! Let’s start changing the World to a better place!

Allergy and irritation

I have a really bad cold mixed with wisdom tooth pain (from growing) and allergy to pollen. So - everything combined – not cool.

I became allergic to pollen a few years ago in high school. At first, I didn’t know that this is allergy; I just thought that I have a cold, because my nose was all blocked up and I sneezed a lot. But the next year at that time of the year it happened again, because I have noticed that it got worse when I am out, close to grass. So, I started to take medicine to ease the symptoms. But one year it got worse – to the point when I couldn’t breathe normally. My chest was wheezing, my nostrils were blocked up completely, my eyes were red from irritation and my throat was hurting like I was having angina. This year is again “the bad year” – this depends on the concentration of the pollen in the air. 

Every year when this allergy starts, my right down wisdom tooth starts to grow at the same time, so I have to deal with some pain and unpleasantness because of this. This year (this is now the third year) it was super fun, because I caught a cold also. So my right side of my face was little swallowed and I also had headaches, so I haven’t got a good sleep for a week now. It is getting better now, but this was a reminder that I have to work on something. Maybe this allergy has a connection with “irritation” towards my family, because I am very annoyed by them when someone asks me something. I change my behavior in front of them, I become nervous and rude for no reason. And I just can’t control my reaction – but I know I didn’t try hard enough. This wisdom tooth…I can’t connect it to anything at the moment.

Because of the cold, my senses for smell and taste got weak and I have noticed that I don’t have appetite, since I don’t taste or smell anything when eating food. This is pretty cool because now I eat when I am hungry and I don’t care what is on the menu because it isn’t matter – I don’t taste it anyway. I just realized that more than half of the food I eat is because it tastes or smells good (and I am talking about food that my body doesn’t need, for example chocolate, mayonnaise, ketchup, chips, juice, cookies, snacks…etc) and I usually overeat. Sometimes when something “good” is for lunch, I would eat until my stomach hurts even though I could throw up the next second. And this is really unacceptable because when writing this I see that I don’t appreciate the food or my body, I act egoistic because all I do is to please myself (my mind) when doing this, to get this satisfaction within myself.

I do not accept and allow doing this anymore.