Capitalism vs. Equal Money System

A lot of expensive things that we buy have warranty and when I go to the shop and I am looking for a product that is of "higher" quality I always look if it has longer warranty than other products which they offer in the store. Why? Because the product will last longer. But the fact is that when warranty expires, the product won't last much longer because we live in the capitalistic world where everything is based on profit. Companies make such products that will last for a couple of years and then they will break or will not work as it should any longer and you will need to buy a new one eventually. That is how it works in today's world. The goal for every company is to make as much money as possible and so they make crappy things which you will have to replace as soon as the warranty expires because you can't live without them, you need them in life but there are no companies that will make products that will last you for all your life.
I found at home really old shaving machine which is made from metal and if I would  accidentally drop it  on the floor it won't break and it will work just fine compared to the other shaving machine which I bought a year ago and is made from plastic. I have to be really careful not to drop it because it would break immediately and I could just throw it away into garbage. What I would like to say is that things are made from materials which are not strong and don't last. Another example would be my mobile phone. After warranty expired on my phone it worked just for another two months. Then the microphone stopped working and if I wanted to get that repaired I would pay more money then if I just bought a new phone. By making such things only for profit we just buy, buy, buy and throw away, throw away, throw away into the garbage. We produce a lot more garbage than we would if the products were from materials that can't break so easily or if I say - that aren't made to break down on purpose. In a way it is logical that it is how it is because companies compete between each other and they are driven by the profit. More they can get from consumers, the better.
In an equal money system there will be no competition, products will be made from the best materials possible and they will last for a lifetime if not even more. Companies will not make product because of the profit. You will buy something and if by any chance the product won't work or for some reasons break, you will get a new one. By making such things, we will not produce as much garbage anymore and this is what I would call "best for all". Best for humans that need products and best for our nature, because it will be able to breathe again. So, support Equal Money System and show the capitalism your middle finger!

Self-correction is the key

It is not hard to write what you have accepted and allowed, what you have realized or what you will correct within yourself in physical. I realized that you can write self forgiveness in every moment, every day for everything that happens but if you are not willing to change, if you are not willing to correct and also determined to achieve actual change and be persistent about what you are doing; self-forgiveness is worth nothing. It is powerful tool for everybody who uses it, with writing you can get to the core of the point you are working on and you can realize a lot but if you don't live the words, you are lost. At Desteni there are three basic tools which help you through, to break down everything that you have accepted and allowed in your life, from desires, emotions and feelings to personalities, relationship fuckups and even physical problems. Those tools are self-forgiveness, self-corrective statements and self-corrective action. If you only apply two out of three, you didn't do anything. It is like if you want to bake bread and you have all the ingredients that you need, you mix them together but then you don't put the dough into the oven. You can't eat it raw even though you did everything except bake it – the most important part. With self-forgiveness it is the same. You can write but if you don't correct yourself in action, you can't change. And this is the hard part because you have to have a lot of strength, self-control, self-direction, self-will to do this. And the key to success is also to be self-honest. I saw many times, when applying self-correction in action that I still have reactions. Important here is not to give up and to not blame yourself. We are in this together, as a group we are strong and even though you fall, don't lay on the ground, stand up again and the group of Destonians will always give you support that you need so you can pick yourself up from the ground. We are all here to support each other, important thing is to accept this support and move on, step by step, breath by breath. Every moment of your breath, until it is done and a new life is born.

Calling people on the phone

For my diploma I had to call some »important« people who are in charge for logistics in the company. These companies are giants for Slovenians market, so it is hard to reach them and contact them. I had to call over 10 companies, because this is the first step of my practical part of my diploma. When my mentor told me that my assignment is based on calling people and introducing them the project we are working on and ask them if they are prepared to cooperate and give their professional opinion on the project, I became pale. The biggest fear since my childhood has been talking to people, approaching to them, ask them for help or calling somebody on the phone who I don’t know. I always asked my grandmother or my sister to do this kind of things instead of me. My mother knew about my fear so when I asked her if she would call instead of me, she said “no, you will call and arrange what you need”, so she was pushing me through my fear. A lot of the times I tried and asked someone else to call instead of me just because I didn’t want to face with my fear. I would rather leave things alone and not deal with them, for example: if a company sent me a bill they would charge me more than they should, I would just pay more so I don’t need to call them and tell them for the mistake. Some time ago, I started to push myself and do things like that on my own, even though a lot of the times my grandmother offered her to call instead of me. But still I pushed myself and said to her that I will call because this is something that I need to clear and when she is not going to be around I would be forced to deal with it by myself anyways.
My concern mostly was that I will forget what I would like to say and just have empty head. So before I called somewhere, I wrote everything that I meant to say on the paper. My hands were always shaking and my heart was beating like crazy when I picked up the phone and dial the number. Then when somebody answered the phone, my voice was all shaky and different and I spoke very fast. I never tried to correct this by breathing or by writing self forgiveness on this point because back then I didn’t know about this.
So now, when I had to call all the companies I was also scared. I was mostly afraid of rejection and if someone will ask me something that I don’t have an answer to it. I again wrote everything down on a paper and read it through for a few times. I picked up the phone and called first company. The fear was the same as it was in the past, I talked the same, I didn’t slow down and take a moment for myself. I rushed into it. But I was aware of what I was doing. When the first conversation was over, I went back to the start; I tried to remember my feelings and emotions during the call, how I experienced myself in that moment. Then I just took a breath, I didn’t think what I am going to say to the next person, I just start talking. And it was much better. The conversation was more relaxed. Every call I made next, it was easier for me, and my fear was getting smaller and smaller every time. I became more confident in what I was saying and people noticed that on the other side of the phone – the results were much better, everyone agreed to help.
 Now, when something similar comes up, that I need to deal with, I just do it and don’t over think, because if I do, all these questions and doubts come up and really all that my mind is trying to do is to limit me. I will not limit myself anymore.

There is no end...

I finally started writing my diploma. It took me almost one year and a half to get to my mentor and ask him for a theme about what I should write. Some time ago I decided to already do that but because I didn’t have a proper theme, professor turned me down and I lost my drive to write it back then. So, a week ago I decided that I have to do this because this “haunts” me again and again somewhere in the back of my head. Vitan asked me if this is really necessary in this moment since I have a lot of things to deal with (going to work every day, doing Desteni I Process and also starting to build my business), if I have time to write it besides all of this and if other things won’t suffer on the way. This is certainly going to be time consuming but I need to complete my schooling, because I feel like I need a closure.
When I am starting to do something I always want to finish it, so it has some ending and the same is here. I have to be at the end so I can say this is it, this is done and I don’t have to worry about it anymore. Because as I already said I need to see the end so I can move on and then worry about another thing which has not ended yet. The same thing is happening in my process. I believe that there will be an end and when this happens, everything will be different. But it is not like that. There is no end, which is why it is called process. It won’t be like “ok, now I’ve gone through all the things and now it is over”. It won’t be over until everybody is done. Just like in every day’s life. When you complete something, you get it done but every time something new comes up on your way, and you need to take care of it and so on…

Unable to breathe

I have been depressed for a few days now, mostly because of my thoughts that keep popping up about relationship things – which are based on energy. I have been dealing with this thoughts by applying self forgiveness and researching the origin of the thoughts –why do I have them, what drives me to think that, when did I experienced this in the past, memories...but more I write, more depressive I am and these thoughts have more power over me, they are stronger, more frequent and more common throughout my day. I am starting to doubt in my application because I don't know what is happening. I don't know how to stop the thoughts and when I want to breathe, I just can't. It is like my lungs are not capable of doing the whole breath – it is almost like when you need to yawn and you can't and then you have this feeling inside you, like you are not completed, like something is missing. 

I know that by just doing self forgiveness and then not living the actual realization and corrective application, this won’t go away. But I don’t know how to release that. I still need to do a lot of writing but still…this inability to breathe normal is insane, it drives me crazy – I feel anxious because my lungs can’t expand. Now I know, how precious one breath can be, how cool it is when I can breathe. Better to get this over with, so I can breathe again.

I need to buy something

A lot of the times I catch myself thinking that I have to buy something. I want to satisfy my desire and urge just by looking at things in the shop and not buying them. It is like a obsession because I don't really need those things - I just want to buy them for no reason (well...the real reason is that feeling that I get when I own something new, when I can actually look and hold this thing and have it in my possession). Many times I already hold something new in my hand and I am already walking towards cashier's but then I stop and I ask myself if I really need this and in many cases I don't. I just need this feeling that I get after buying something. Also it is not the same satisfaction if I buy food or if I buy for example a piece of clothing.So the conclusion here is that I get this satisfactory feeling only when I buy something that I don't need. I don't need air refreshener for my car and I bought it anyway, I don't need 6 glasses, because I have them enough at home but I bought them anyway just because they cost me only 2€. Oh, and I won't even go and tell you about shopping clothes and shoes...It is insane...how many things we buy and then they are just lying at home in some corner because they have no practical value - the only value that this things had was the feeling of buying something eventhough it is totally unpractical and useles. Just look around your home how many things that you don't use are there. There are millions of souvenirs (silly hats, small sculptures, jugs), jewelry, cosmetic things and also clothes and shoes that you wear once a year. I have a lot of clothes and I find myself wearing just a few of them, the rest I don't wear at all. And when I clean my closet and I want throw away (give away) all the clothes that I don't really wear I say to myself "Whell, I didn't really wear this top this year but I will wear it from now on." and I don't. It is in the closet for another year - untouchable. I don't wear it but I can't give it away also. Strange but true.

Procrastination and laziness

Thought:
“Can’t it wait for a couple of minutes?”

Trigger point:
When my grandmother asked me if I can help her with something.

Type of thought:
laziness, procrastination, excuse

Self forgiveness on the thought, trigger point and type of thought:
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect when someone asks me something to do to a thought “Can’t it wait for a couple of minutes?”
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think the thought “Can’t it wait for a couple of minutes?”
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself that a thought “Can’t it wait for a couple of minutes” exists within and as me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself that when my grandmother asks me something to help her with triggers a thought “Can’t it wait for a couple of minutes?”
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself that when my grandmother asks me something to help her with this exists as a trigger point within me, which triggers a thought “Can’t it wait for a couple of minutes?”
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to procrastinate.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in a feeling of laziness.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, when something is asked of me to be done or something is required of me to be done within the moment – say: “Can’t it wait for a couple of minutes?” – Instead of doing what is required or asked of me in the moment.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not willing to move and stand up in the moment.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to procrastinate instead of standing up and get things done in the moment.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be trapped within the „now‟ of consciousness by not doing what is required of me to be done in a moment, thereby accumulating „unfulfilled” moments within myself – whereby I am literally still trapped in those moments – and thus, of the past.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to walk as breath, wherein I, in every moment, direct myself within what is here and what is required to be done – in the moment, immediately.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to manifest a habitual behaviour of laziness through constantly and continuously procrastinating – putting things off for the future – creating and manifesting the feeling of laziness as a drug in my mind, to which I've become addicted.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as lazy person.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to unconditionally move myself in every moment – but instead, put things off to a later moment, until I am almost too late and see that if I don't quickly do what I'm supposed to do, I'll get into trouble.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the threat and anticipation of trouble to move me instead of me moving myself as me.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to discipline myself within moving and directing myself in every here moment – but instead, allow myself to „slack” and „slip” into laziness.
I forgive myself for not applying self-will in every moment, where I will myself to live as me in self-movement, self-direction, self-responsibility and self-honesty in every here moment.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to not apply self-will when there is a task at hand, to will myself in walking through the resistance and getting it done – but instead, allow myself to use excuses and justifications to make me believe that it is „okay” to procrastinate and be lazy.

Self corrective statements:
I do not accept and allow myself to live in the past and therefore I do not accept and allow myself to procrastinate – instead, I will to things in the moment and I will not put off anything what is asked or required of me.
When someone asks me something or something is required of me to be done, I do not put if off and wait for the last moment to take care of it – instead I stand up immediately and to what needs to be done in the moment.
I do not accept and allow myself to procrastinate and search for excuses and justifications why I do not need to do things in the moment – instead of that, I will move myself, direct myself and will myself to do things in the moment and I will not wait any longer just because “I don’t feel like doing it”.
Whenever something is required or asked from me to be done, I do not accept and allow to participate in my mind thinking that it can wait – I stop the thoughts before they occur and I say “Yes, I will to that right now in this moment” – I will walk through resistance and I will not accept and allow laziness to obsess me.

Emotion:
Reluctant

Self forgiveness:
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be reluctant.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in emotion of reluctance.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel reluctant when I have to stop doing something that I like to do.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing reluctance to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in emotional experience of annoyance and crankiness.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself that annoyance and crankiness exist within and as me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the thought “Can’t it wait for a couple of minutes?” with emotion of reluctance – crankiness and annoyance.

Self corrective statements:
I do not accept and allow myself to participate in emotional experience of reluctance because this is not who I am and therefore I do not accept and allow to be controlled by this emotion of being reluctant.
I realize that I am reluctant when a “good” feeling is replaced by a “bad” feeling – something that I like to do is replaced by something that I hate to do and therefore I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in the polarity of my mind by dividing and seeing things as good and bad instead of realizing that this is just another creation of my mind and there is no such things as good and bad – they are as they are and nothing more or less than that.
When the thought “Can’t it wait for a couple of minutes?” comes up which triggers reluctance within myself, I stop and breathe – I do not accept and allow myself to participate in emotional experience of reluctance because this is not who I am – instead I will forgive the thought and I will stand up and do what needs to be done in the moment.

Words:
Procrastination-

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to charge the word procrastination with negative value.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge the word procrastination as “negative”, “bad” in my mind.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word procrastination through judging the word procrastination as “bad” and “negative”.

A memory when I had to study for exam and I start to study the very last moment:
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word “procrastination” to a memory when I waited to study for the very last moment.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word “procrastination” within a memory when I waited to study for the very last moment.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word “procrastination” and from the memory when I waited to study for the very last moment through defining word “procrastination” within a memory when I waited to study for the very last moment in separation of myself.
A feeling of anxiety:
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word “procrastination” to a feeling of anxiety.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word “procrastination” within a feeling of anxiety.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word “procrastination” and from the feeling of anxiety through defining word “procrastination” within a feeling of anxiety in separation of myself.
Clock:
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word “procrastination” to a picture of a clock.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word “procrastination” within a picture of a clock.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word “procrastination” and from the picture of a clock through defining word “procrastination” within a picture of a clock in separation of myself.
A picture of my grandmother asking me something:
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word “procrastination” to a picture of my grandmother asking me something.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word “procrastination” within a picture of my grandmother asking me something.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word “procrastination” and from the picture of my grandmother asking me something through defining the word “procrastination” within a picture of my grandmother asking me something in separation of myself.
A feeling of paranoia:
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word “procrastination” to a feeling of paranoia.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word “procrastination” within a feeling of paranoia.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word “procrastination” and from the feeling of paranoia through defining the word “procrastination” within a feeling of paranoia in separation of myself.
Knocking on the door:
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word “procrastination” to knocking on the door.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word “procrastination” within knocking on the door.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word “procrastination” and from knocking on the door through defining the word “procrastination” within knocking on the door in separation of myself.
A picture of a man who is in a hurry:
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word “procrastination” to a picture of a man who is in a hurry.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word “procrastination” within a picture of a man who is in a hurry.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word “procrastination” and from a picture of a man who is in a hurry through defining the word “procrastination” within a picture of a man who is in a hurry in separation of myself.
Time limit:
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word “procrastination” to a time limit.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word “procrastination” within a time limit.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word “procrastination” and from time limit through defining the word “procrastination” within a time limit.

Re-defining the word procrastination:

Dictionary definition:
•    to defer action; delay
•    to put off till another day or time

Sounding the word:
Pre – cross – time – rate
Meaning: PRE (before, prior to), CROSS (angry and annoyed), TIME-RATE (being limited with time); Before I get angry and annoyed because am limiting myself with time and I live in the past and not in the moment – by postponing things, procrastinating.

Pro – cast – destination
Meaning: PRO (an argument for something), CAST (to throw away), DESTINATION; To decide that I am going to live in the past by postponing things and not doing them in the moment as I am required or asked to.

New definition:
I procrastinate when I have to do something that I don’t like to do. I wait for a very last moment to complete the task not realizing that by doing that I live in the past and I don’t direct myself in the moment.  When someone asks me something to help him with or when something is required to be done in a moment I often become angry and irritated and this is an indicator for me to see that I have accepted and allowed procrastination and laziness. I also seek for justifications and excuses for not doing it in the moment – so this is also a flag for me to see what I have accepted and allowed. When this “red flags” occur I know that I participate in procrastination and laziness and therefore I stop and push myself through resistances and do what needs to be done in the moment.

Procrastinate – Not wanting to do something in the moment, not being self-directed, self-willed and self-responsible in every moment of every breath.

Pictures:
The picture represents me lying in my bed in the morning and I do not want to wake up – I want to lay a little bit longer even though I know I am wasting my time by lying around. In this picture I just don’t feel like doing anything – I am lazy and I feel miserable because I have to do things that I didn’t do in the moment – I postponed them. Besides my bed is a bedside table and alarm clock on that table.

Self forgiveness on picture:
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a picture of me lying in my bed and not wanting to get up in the morning - to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect laziness and procrastination with a picture in my mind of me not willing and wanting to get up in the morning.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define laziness and procrastination within a picture in my mind of me not wanting and willing to get up in the morning.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to postpone things that have already been postponed even more.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from procrastination and laziness through defining it in separation of myself within a picture of me not wanting and willing to get up in the morning.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect a picture of me not wanting and willing to get up in the morning to a thought “Can’t it wait for a couple of minutes?”.

Self corrective statements:
I realize that a picture of me not willing and wanting to get up in the morning is reflecting my everyday life, where I am just postponing and delaying things that I require to do and I am postponing them for the very last moment and because I have to then hurry to complete those things I am miserable because everything is building up and I ran out of time.
I do not accept and allow postponing things anymore because I realize that this is an act of laziness and therefore I do not accept and allow participating in experience of laziness.
Whenever a thought “Can’t it wait for a couple of minutes?” comes up, which triggers a picture of me lying in my bed and not wanting to get up in the morning, I immediately stop and forgive that thought – I do not accept and allow procrastination and laziness to direct me – instead I direct myself, I live in the moment and not in the past.