Hope

Self forgiveness on a thought:
I hope this business will work.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect a conversation about my business with a thought “I hope this business will work”.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think the thought “I hope this business will work.”
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself that this thought “I hope this business will work” exists within me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself that a conversation about my business triggers a thought “I hope this business will work”.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself that a conversation about my business exists as a trigger point within me, which triggers the thought “I hope this business will work.”

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hope.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hope for better times.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to trap myself in the belief of hope.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to belief that successful business will just happen by hoping and wishing to be successful – instead of realizing that I separate myself by doing that because there is no “superior source” that will rescue me by hoping.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not take responsibility for myself and stand up for myself and therefore I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that I create my experiences and no one else than myself.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that by taking power to something higher than me and hoping and wishing that this business will work, I just separate myself from this world and giving myself an illusion so I will feel better because I trust in someone else than me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe in the illusion of hope.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not trust myself and therefore I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give trust to something/someone else separated from me because I don’t want to disappoint myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I will be disappointed in myself and because of that I rather trust someone or something separated from me (I hope) than myself because I fear that I will fail.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear taking responsibility for myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place my responsibility of self in hope.
I forgive myself that I’ve allowed myself to wait instead of taking responsibility for myself, acting and standing up in creating and manifesting my own world.
I forgive myself that I’ve allowed myself to give hope power over me instead of taking my own power and standing up and taking responsibility for myself in directing my own world.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not take responsibility for myself by trusting myself and not fearing of the outcome and therefore I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that I give trust in something/someone else separated from me because it is more convenient to blame others than taking responsibility for everything that I do and standing up.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that I have to stand up and take responsibility for myself because nothing else will support me as I can support myself.

Self corrective statements:
I do not accept and allow myself to hope since I realized that hope is an illusion and by having hope, hoping, I just not take responsibility for myself and stand up.
I will take responsibility for myself rather than hoping because it is me who creates my experiences so I will trust myself rather than trusting something or someone separate from me.
I will not accept and allow fearing failure and because of that avoiding self responsibility because I fear to face myself – therefore I will stand as one and equal and will not separate myself by hoping.
I realize that I create my world and experiences and therefore I will not wait that something “superior” will “save” me because I am responsible for myself in my world and I realize that no one can do and will do something for me than myself.

When a thought “I hope that business will work” which is triggered by a conversation about my ideas comes up – I stop, I breathe – I forgive that thought immediately and also I do not participate in that thought in any way whatsoever, because I know that by hoping and placing trust into something or someone separated from me, I actually don’t want to face myself, take responsibility for myself and stand up. Therefore I don’t create illusion by hoping and wishing for better times, because I know that I am the one who creates my world and experiences and I am the one who creates this reality and not hope. When a thought of hope comes up, I know that I have to deal with a point of not taking responsibility for myself and therefore I do not wait (as I would do before), I face myself and stand up and by doing that, I support myself and have trust in myself and nothing else which is separated from me.

Self forgiveness on emotion:
Fear of failure

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I will not succeed.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I will fail.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself that I am afraid to be disappointed in myself and instead of facing my fear I rather place trust into something or someone separated from me.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that I fear because I do not want to take responsibility for myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid of failure and because of that fear I place trust into something else, because I am afraid to face myself and to trust myself, instead of realizing that by placing trust into something separated from me, it will not change anything – I am the one who creates this reality and not hope.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in emotional experience of fear of failure.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself that fear of failure exists within and as me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the thought “I hope this business will work” to an emotion of fear of failure.

Realizations and self corrective statements:
I realize that I fear because I do not want to take responsibility for myself and stand up – I am afraid to stand up and actually see what I have accepted and allowed to exist as, therefore I will not accept and allow to be controlled by my creation of fear – instead, I will face myself and I will not try to avoid taking responsibility for myself.
I will not accept and allow to be controlled by fear and if this emotion will come up again, I will forgive myself accordingly because I know that fear is not who and what I am.
When the thought “I hope this business will work” comes up which triggers this fear of failure, I stop and breathe – I forgive myself for participating in that thought and I do not accept and allow to participate in an emotional experience of fear of failure because this is not who I am – instead, I will take responsibility for what I have accepted and allowed and stand up in every moment of every breath.

Self forgiveness on words:
Hope+

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to charge the word “hope” with positive value.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge the word hope as ‘positive’, ‘good’ in my mind.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word “hope” through judging the word “hope” as ‘positive’, ‘good’.

A picture of Jesus praying
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word “hope” to a picture of Jesus praying.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word “hope” within a picture of Jesus praying.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate from the word “hope” and from the picture of Jesus praying through defining word “hope” within a picture of Jesus praying in separation of myself.

Light
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect word “hope” to a word light.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word “hope” within a word light.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate from word “hope” and from word “light” through defining word “hope” within a word light in separation of myself.

Positive outcome
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect word “hope” to positive outcome.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word “hope” within a positive outcome.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate from word “hope” and from positive outcome through defining word “hope” within a positive outcome in separation of myself.

Wish
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect word “hope” to word wish.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word “hope” within wish.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate from word “hope” and from word wish through defining word “hope” within a wish in separation of myself.

A picture of church:
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect word “hope” to a picture of church.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define word “hope” within a picture of church.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate from word “hope” and from a picture of church through defining word “hope” within a picture of church in separation of myself.

Spirituality
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect word “hope” to word spirituality.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define word “hope” within word spirituality.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate from word “hope” and from word spirituality through defining word “hope” within word spirituality in separation of myself.

Re-defining the word hope:

Dictionary definition:
•    the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best
•    a particular instance of this feeling
•    grounds for this feeling in a particular instance
•    to look forward to with desire and reasonable confidence
•    to believe, desire, or trust

Sounding the word:
cope  (meaning: to cope – dealing with something)
ope (meaning: open)
rope (cord) – this one would make sense to me – to tie myself up with a rope by hoping because when being tied, I do not have the ability to stand up, take things into my own hands – I just wait for someone to untie me.

New definition:
I start to hope when I do not want to take things into my own hands – meaning not taking the responsibility. When I start to hope, this is a red flag for me to see that I have to stand up and not wait for someone else to do this instead of me, because no one will do it, except me.
Hope, hoping – waiting for someone or something to “save” you because you don’t want to save yourself by taking the responsibility and standing up.

Picture:
A picture of me showing, how I just sold a product to a customer and I am giving it into her hands while she is giving me her money.

SF:
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a picture of me and a customer exchanging product and money – to exist within me and as me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect successful business to a picture in my mind of me and a customer exchanging product and money.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define successful business within a picture in my mind of me and a customer exchanging product and goods.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from successful business through defining it in separation of myself within a picture of me and a customer exchanging money and product.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect picture of myself and a customer exchanging product and money to a thought “I hope this business will work”.

Realizations and self corrective statements:
I realize that a picture of me and a customer exchanging money and a product comes up in my mind when a thought (“I hope this business will work”) comes up because I want and desire to run a successful business – because of the desire for having more money.
   
I do not accept and allow to wish, hope and desire to run a successful business, because I realize that whatever will happen it will happen because I am the creator of my reality.

I do not accept and allow myself to desire to have more money because I realize that I can easily be controlled by the money and therefore whenever this thought, picture, desire, wish comes up, I forgive it immediately, investigate further into detail if this haven’t been done already.
Whenever a thought “I hope this business will work” comes up, I do not participate in my mind trying to imagine how the things can go in the future – instead, I forgive myself for thinking that thought and I stop to participate in my mind and I stop to imagine things how it would be in the future.

Cigarettes

A few days ago I was going to work and outside of the building was a woman who was smoking a cigarette. In that very moment I had really strong desire to smoke one too.

Cigarettes were a part of my life from my childhood basically. My father is a smoker and when I was about 12 years old I tried to smoke cigarettes. I bought a box of cigarettes and it was easy to get because in that store they knew that I was buying cigarettes for my father. One day after school me and two of my friends went to a place where nobody could see us and we tried smoking. It was funny experience because no one knew how to smoke and no one liked it either. So we put smoking on a side until I came into high school where I started to smoke regularly on every day basis. Me and my schoolmate met before class started and every day we had a cup of coffee and a whole bunch of cigarettes. This became a habit since it was going on for four years. But I still didn’t perceive myself as a smoker since I smoked only when I was in school or out. I never smoked at home – there was only one time when I smoked in my room and I opened balcony door so my mom wouldn’t smell cigarette smoke. I didn’t even bother with that because our house already smelled of smoke. I was afraid that my mother will catch me smoking so I never told her about that. That day I put cigarette butt on the balcony shelf and my mother found it (and she never goes into my room, but that day she miraculously went…). She was very angry at me and she asked me if I smoke but instead of telling her the truth I lied and said to her that I only wanted to try how it feels like. When I got to faculty I stopped smoking for 2 years and I was fine with that. I didn’t have desire to smoke and quitting wasn’t hard at all. I just decided one day that I will stop smoking and I did.

I never smoked because of pleasure. In fact I didn’t like the feeling when smoking. So why did I smoke? Well…I have noticed that I occupied myself with cigarette mostly when I had company because I didn’t want to “draw attention”. When someone asked me something I had cigarette to hold on and play with it just to be more relaxed – I was drawing attention to a cigarette and I felt more confident mostly around people who I just met.

After two years I again started to smoke because I was getting into a whole new society – people I didn’t know and as I said before, cigarette was like a shield to me. And again after 6 months or so, I quitted.

I have this funny feeling for a few days now – when I see someone smoking, or when I just see cigarette itself, I have desire to light one up.  

Makeup - the false image

Make up is one thing that I was using from really early years of my life. It all started in grammar school; I was about 12 years old when I started to have a desire for wearing makeup. I secretly put it on before going to school so my mother won’t notice because she wouldn’t let me to wear it. When I came home from school I washed my face because I was scared that she would see me that I hide something from her. But this desire came to me because a few girls in my class wore makeup and I felt that I need to wear it too because I was trying to fit into group of “popular girls”. I started to feel more confident when I was all made-up and I started to use makeup every day. It got to that point that I wouldn’t go out with a dog without wearing makeup because I was afraid that someone would see me how I look without it.

I haven’t been wearing makeup for almost a year now, except for a few days in this period of time. I remember one day when superiors from Italy came to work, I was all dolled-up because I was afraid that they won’t like me the way I am without makeup, that I am not tidy enough but that was just me thinking that way and judging myself because I still wasn’t comfortable with my true image, without false presentation of who I am. Makeup does that – it creates a false image of person, mask behind which we hide ourselves from the truth. And also we deceive others by wearing it. I act like a completely different person when I wore makeup. I was more loud, wanting to have attention, I was more relaxed, confident but when I was “caught” without it, I was shy, reserved, more quiet, I didn’t dare to look person who I was talking to into his/hers eyes.

I was watching a video from Destonian girls where they were talking about this topic. There are really cool points in their discussion where I can see myself in there completely. Here’s the video:

My story about finding Desteni

Before I was introduced to Desteni, I got back together with somebody from my teenage years. I was all into love and consequently I got really jealous and frustrated when we weren’t together, so I was thinking all the time about what he is doing and if he is with somebody else and so on (because we lived 40 minutes drive away). One day I was driving to him with my friend Blaž and we discussed about my emotions and feelings. Blaž introduced me Desteni and its message and at that time it was interesting to me (I didn’t fully understand what it is all about but I got the basic idea) but not interesting enough to investigate it more deeply. I even remember my thoughts back then – the idea is interesting but I am not that type of person who would do that kind of things.

So, one day I mentioned Desteni to my boyfriend and he already knew about it. The thing was that he was doing his process a few years ago but then quit because of the pressure from his friends. I reminded him about it and he started to do it again. At that time I wasn’t following Desteni – I even laughed at him about that. It was all silly to me – the portal and dimensions, even though the messages were clear to me. But I was OK with that as long as I am with him so I can have him – in control. It was also “worked in my advantage” because he quit drinking alcohol and smoking weed so I was calm within myself because I didn’t have any worries about him cheating on me (LOL). Thinking about that now it’s pretty clear that to me this was all about self interest – me being happy and calm and not worrying, have a “true love” and that kind of things.  One day he said to me that we can’t be together anymore if I don’t clear myself and be honest with myself and him – if I don’t start to do my process. So I got really scared, my dreams about “true love” were ruined. Because of this ultimatum that he made, I started to read articles and watch videos so he would see that I am doing something. But I did all of this just because of the fact that if I don’t do this, I will lose him – I did this because I wanted him to be mine. I pretended that I am very into Desteni and such bullshit. But more I read the articles and watched videos more I realized that all of this which they say is true. I know now that this has to be done, it is no other way, no escape from that.

Desteni I process helped me to get started with my writing and also this course has given me a lot of guides in how to use tools more effectively. I became more self directed and consistent. I became aware of my experiences because before Desteni, experiences were just there, without questioning why or how. But now I can see my reactions within myself more clearly.

So this is my short story about how I found Desteni. I never questioned myself where we came from or a life as a greater purpose, but I was certain that we live in the experiment where our life is controlled by a greater force and that we are in a labyrinth like mousses – trapped inside with no escape, that we don’t have control over our own lives and everything is designed to happen in a certain way (like there was a script and we are puppets who are playing by that script). And this is not far from the truth.

Steroids and the perfect male body

This is another blog about body image and what people are prepared to do just to fit in into nowadays society standards.

I was looking some documentary about steroids and it is really interesting how people (mostly men) think that they have to be muscular in order to be noticeable, to have respect from other men and of course to look good in women’s eyes.

Even though steroids are more commonly used in bodybuilding the usage of them is spreading out in non-bodybuilder circles, where there is a need and desire to have more muscle or desire to shed unwanted fat and dissatisfaction with one’s physique. In the most recent years steroid use is getting more popular between teenagers and this is a point to take into the consideration because this clearly shows that more and more young people are obsessed with their body image and they would do almost anything just to fit in. They do not think about the consequences that can happen years later.

In my recent blog I was writing about Barbie doll and the ideal of female body but now, let’s have a look at the ideal of men’s body just by looking at this picture which shows Luke Skywalker and Hans Solo in 1978 on the left side of the photo and the same action figures 20 years later on the right.

What message do this dolls spread among people? Why people can’t accept the fact that they are as they are. Why do we need to change ourselves in order to please others? Why do we think that we are not good enough? Why, why, why? Wouldn’t it be great if we would live in a society where no comparison would be involved, and no pointing fingers, bullying, inferiority and superiority?

Joins us at Desteni and you will see what life can really be.

Drink urine and you will heal yourself

Things that people do to be healthier and more beautiful...
I have came across this therapy called “urine therapy” where you basically drink your own urine or massage it on to your body and this suppose to “heal” or “improve” all sorts of things that people are dealing with in every days life. 

 Urine has been used as alternative medicine for centuries and in a lot of cultures it is believed that urine can act as a panacea (all-healing medicine). It is said that it can prevent, cure and maintain your health and even you can rejuvenate and beautify yourself by drinking it on regular basis.
Some advocates believe that the Bible recommends drinking urine. It says: "Drink waters from thy own cistern, flowing water from thy own well.”

This “therapy” can be used for healing different things such as: snake bites, allergies, tooth pain, asthma, severe heart condition, cancer, chemical intoxication, sexually transmitted diseases including AIDS, hepatitis, baldness, Parkinson’s disease, diabetes, obesity, stroke… Some people drink urine to have clear skin and to lose weight, to slow down aging and all this things.

Now, that you got some info about this therapy let’s have a look at this from a common sense perspective:
Why would you drink your own pee when your body is clearly telling you that this is what it doesn’t need? It is meant to go out. Simple as that.  So in the future we will start to hear how your own shit is good for your skin and then women (or men) will have facial because it suppose to reduce wrinkles on your face or what?

We programmed ourselves over the years so much, that what we do makes no sense anymore. Investigate Desteni where you will find out what LIFE really is.  

Is Barbie based on a German sex doll?

I always wanted a Barbie to play with as a child so I nagged to my mother to buy me one (or two or three...). Yes, eventually I wasn't satisfied with only one doll; I wanted to have all of them, including Barbie car and house of course. I remember my neighbor had a wide collection of Barbie’s and I was at her place every day because she had all of the “good stuff”. I secretly envy her because she had Barbie speedboat, a car, house, horse, cool Barbie clothes and shoes and also I envy her because she had Ken. Yes, yes…the Ken doll was really exciting because we could play like we were in real life. I could call it “a perfect life”, because Barbie and Ken had all! Besides house, cars and all of this stuff, they also had (or they still do) perfect bodies and great relationship which was based on (believe it or not) – sex. As we played with dolls we eventually end up with the scene when Barbie and Ken were having sex.

Anorexic Barbie

 Let’s have a look at the origin of Barbie doll:
The origin of Barbie doll can be traced back to Lilli. Lilli was a character in a German comic strip and she was (as others describes her) sassy, ambitious and she favored boyfriends with a lot of money. Later on they decided to make a Lilli doll, which was originally marketed to adults in bars and tobacco shops as a gag gift or a joke. Lilli’s first advertisements called her “the star of every little bar and many refer to Lilli as a “sex toy”. Ruth Handler (the creator of Barbie) was on a trip to Germany and she discovered Lilli doll. She believed that that kind of doll would enable girls (like her daughter) to imagine themselves in future also in other roles than just being a mother (because at that time, there were just baby dolls mostly). And voila! Barbie was created.

But what does Barbie really represents? There are several points to consider:

• Her body image is way below normal

If Barbie was real human being she would walk on all fours because of her body proportion. In 1965 Slumber Party Barbie was introduced and it came out with a bathroom scale permanently set on 110 lbs (which is approximately 50 kg) and a miniature book with the title “How to lose weight” – inside was a simple advice “Don’t eat”. What message is that sending to young girls all over the world? Just don’t eat and you will look as skinny as Barbie, or what? Are they serious?!

Miniature book with "great" advice inside

Here I could point out also all the commercials and advertisements of beautiful, skinny, flawless women where they are advertising everything else but a product. But this is a different story…maybe I will talk about this one in other blog. But just to explain what I mean with one word – most of the ads you see are selling sex.  

•  A need to be materialistic

Barbie would be nothing without her convertible! Oh, and she needs this house and a whole closet of clothes and shoes…Really? From first hand I know that this is how it is…I also wanted everything as I said at the beginning. Here is a good perspective from an article - Barbie's Effects on American Suburban Culture: “Barbie portrays the doll who could do anything. Her world is open for her. She reflects the time period during the beginning of suburbia where middle class families felt that they had the world open to them because of their new positions in suburbs. Barbie's many accessories represented the high consumption lifestyle of these new suburbanites. She had her dream house, completely furnished, a racy sports car, and a wardrobe that expanded almost every day. The economy was booming and consumerism was on the rise and this was shown in the objects and "necessities" that Barbie possessed. This shows that the majority of consumers of Barbie and her accessories were of the suburban middle class. This also holds true for the materialism in today's society. Individuals are constantly striving to own more and more. As Michelle Sit points out, the amount of accessories that children owned of Barbie could be tied in with their social class. The more accessories, the more money the family had to buy their children toys. Some children may have felt left out in this scenario. The ideals of Barbie are portrayed through this ideal of suburbia that material things are very important.”

• Barbie girl song

Remember that song from Aqua? I sang it all the time when it came out…I was probably in grammar school and I liked that song – dreaming about how cool it would be if I was Barbie while singing that song. I can still hear it in my ears “I’m a Barbie girl, in a Barbie world…life in plastic, it’s fantastic…” Huh, read the lyrics and see what the song is all about:

I'm a Barbie girl in the Barbie world
Life in plastic, it's fantastic
You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere
Imagination, life is your creation

Come on, Barbie, let's go party
I'm a blonde single girl in the fantasy world
Dress me up, take your time, I'm your dollie
You're my doll, rock and roll, feel the glamour and pain
Kiss me here, touch me there, hanky-panky

You can touch, you can play
You can say I'm always yours, oooh whoa

Clearly…it’s about sex! Hanky-panky indeed!

OK...so these are some points that I wanted to share…the conclusion is up to you ;)