Walking, thinking and a lot of personalities

I've been taking my mother’s dog out for a walk regularly for a good week now and I've noticed that he assists me in a way that I am not thinking so much while I am walking. He doesn't let me to think about anything because he is running in circles around my legs, so I have to watch and be aware of my walk and steps that I make in every moment because otherwise I would step on his paw or trip over him and fall. I started to enjoy when walking and I am more relaxed because I don't worry about nothing (of course I still have thoughts but not as much as before) – just me and the dog in the moment and the nature and sun, snow, grass, mud, birds, the wind…
This is an exact opposite if I compare the time when I go to bed. When I turn off the lights and everything becomes quiet, my mind starts to talk. The thoughts flow through my head in a speed of light and I can’t stop them. They just go on and on and on and I let them go on and on and on – starting to think and imagine how my day is going to look like tomorrow and what I have to do and then I just make up scenarios in my head of my day or some moment until I fall asleep. Sometimes I try to stop the thoughts but this looks like stopping them in my mind so this is very unsuccessful method :) Next time I will have to apply self forgiveness on every thought that appears but…well…doing that in my bed with lights turned off makes me very sleepy. I tried to do self forgiveness on thoughts aloud before going to sleep but it didn’t work.
Something that I’ve noticed a while ago is that I become very grumpy when someone asks me (especially my family) about something that is not relevant – for example: at what time I go to work and if I ate something and that kind of questions. And I answer them with resistance and with annoying voice and I would not answer them at all if that was possible. I really can’t stop at that time and just breathe through this and answer them in a “normal” state. This behaviour has probably deeper meaning and I will just have to find it out through writing self forgiveness. I just catch myself when I go in a different personality mode and then I just don’t do nothing about it, just let it go, letting this behavior to continue. This also happens when I talk to my co-workers (again different tone of voice, different personality), with customers, with my partner; basically everybody in my life who surrounds me.
So, this is a little bit of everything since I didn’t post anything on my blog for a whole month.

Update on writing

So I am working on the second lesson of the ITD course and the assignment is helping me a lot, because we have to write about our experiences through the day in terms of emotions, thoughts and feelings. It is very cool assignment since I have troubles to write every day. I have to force myself to sit down every evening and go through the day and through my thoughts. By doing that, I can see that I am becoming more consistent in writing. I still have troubles to be aware of what I am doing throughout the day, meaning I catch myself drowning in my thoughts and when I realize that I am in my mind I can’t really remember what I was thinking about. I simply forget to be here, totally aware of every moment. I find this really hard (not to be in my mind) and I realized right now that every time I try to write down about my day and when I don’t remember some parts of a situation I get really frustrated about it and I blame myself because I can’t remember a certain thought or emotion. I also have to utilize the four count breath but again I simply forget to breathe because I can quickly flow back into my thoughts. Well…I will need a lot of practice and self control. Let’s do this!